A few months back, I wrote about 18-year-old and my stay in a homeless shelter. He referred to it for many years as, "the time we lived in the church." I smile when I say that. I have no shame from that time. Well I do not feel shamed about it now. Sure it was difficult and in its way very, very debilitating, but it was also a catalyst for better things ahead and better times.
We went into the shelter in October, so the holiday season was closing in and finances were tighter than tight. I completed a wish list for 18 year old who was in K-5. I didn't want to complete a survey for me, but they said, you need pajamas, so I did give them my size.
We got out of the homeless shelter and life moved on. I think that I forgot about the survey. Christmas was tight; I managed a few small gifts for my son.
Well as Christmas drew closer, K-5er and I were hanging homemade decorations that he made in kindergarten. While we were working, someone buzzed our apartment. It was a worker from the homeless shelter. Now, get this-I was more embarrassed to see the homeless shelter in my home than I was to see her in the homeless shelter. We didn't have furniture or anything, but I had a roof over our heads and it was in a nicer neighborhood. I felt guilty that we had a home. As crazy as that sounds, I felt guilty that I had so much after having had so little.
Well, she came up and had a couple of bags with gifts. K-5er and I had fun removing them from the bags. The lady went downstairs and then she was knocking on our door. Well we opened it and there were two young men with her and they had a Christmas tree:) WOW. I was so surprised. We didn't have one yet. I had strung lights in a cone shape and had intended to use that for a tree unless I was able to find a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Well we didn't have to.
On Christmas morning, we opened gifts and it was very nice. There was a box for me, too. It was a clothes box, so I guessed that it had the pajamas in it. They were and they were warm and cozy. But also in that box, tucked into the pajama top was a Santa ornament. Just Santa's face. It had the most soulful eyes of any inanimate object that I had ever seen. There was a note that sent us the giver's prayers, too. I was beyond touched.
I have loved Christmas all of my life. I love it for reasons that I cannot express, which is difficult for someone who prizes their command of language and pen. But that is the Christmas that I began to collect Santas. I am not a typical collector of Santas. I do not collect every Santa in sight so that I have a huge collection. No, the Santas that I collect have to have interesting eyes...soulful eyes. Eyes that see beyond pain and all the way to possibility.
The Christmas that in many ways could have been the worst Christmas actually turned out to be one of the best. Not only for me, but for my now 18 year old. That Santa ornament has needed a repair or reglue here and there, but it remains my favorite of all of my Santas. The love on his face must have been hard to capture in plaster and paint, but it is there.
One day, I will have a 365 day per year Christmas room. I am almost finished collecting a tree for every room. I think that I need one more for the kitchen and I will have enough. In a prized place in the Christmas year 'round room, I will place the Santa face ornament. I think of it as my 'homeless Santa'. You could not look into those eyes without finding home.
5 comments:
I collect masks for that reason aswell. They seem to look around the house and ward off evil.
I have quite a few aboriginal and paupa new guineanian masks that take pride on our walls at home.
I hope that your santa's bring hope and life.
Pete
Hi, this is Jude ~ thanks for stopping by my blog. I am so glad I came to visit here, I love your blog! I almost have too much to say ~~
I was brought up in the military too and I love your posts and your outlook. This Santa post tugged at my heartstrings; what a story. There is so much reading I want to do here but I'll have to play catch-up.
Great posts, I will be back. Have an excellent week, and God bless!
Well darn it all, here I am smiling through the tears. I NEVER wish poverty and hardships on ANYONE...but sometimes, I do wish that people were as humble for the little things in life as we are...having lived at the bottom of the "totem pole" , everything looks up and seems wonderful. I have a special ornament too ( a moose one that a parent from the daycare gave me), and yes, even a fake Charlie Brown tree, that I would not trade for all of the money in the world :) Thanks for the serving of "chicken soup" tonight...you always warm my soul. :)
Love you,
Sarah
Renee - Great blog! That's a powerful story. Just skimming your site and checking your profile, my God you've expreienced much! You must be an incredibly strong person.
I am a Christmas-holic.
I totally get it. Last year, I decorated the weekend of Thanksgiving. Working retail allows little time during the holidays, and I wanted time to enjoy it.
The music -- I used to run my own server, I still have it, but don't use it for anything anymore, now I just upload random mp3's then link them to my blog. I know you can upload tunes to a website like geocities, etc. You may want to look at your ISP, a lot of times they give you webspace you can upload to. Email me privately if you want some more tips :) Sorry it took me so long to respond!!
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