Sumi-e defined

Jason was wondering what sumi-e is. This is the art of sumi-e. It is capitalizing on the use of a few brush strokes to make a picture. It is fascinating. My mom studied it when we lived in Japan. I have recently taken an interest in it and hope to become good at it. So far, I can only do little bamboo paintings. It is a beautiful art, no?

Five things I miss from childhood

I'm gonna tag my victims up front-before they can exit: Warrior's Forever; Chocolate Makes it Better; Enjoying the Ride; PLarge; Amateur Dad.

The five things that I miss from my childhood are:

1. My siblings. The last time that I saw my baby sister, I was holding her second oldest in my arms. He was a baby. He is just starting classes at university.
2. The last time that I saw my brother, he had emergency surgery on his brain and the fluid was being drained off of it-I had never met his wife or daughters prior to that. The are all lovely ladies.
3. The last time that I saw my older sister, was at G's and my wedding. Our tenth anniversary is May '06.
4. The last time that I saw my parents, I was telling them I was PG with Number One Daughter-who just turned six in July.)
5. The thing that I miss most about my childhood is the illusion that we were one for all-all for one. I thought that we would be together forever. Life takes over and viola. It was just "us"; the six of us for many, many years. Tours of duty moved us from place to place, but I liked that part. A new adventure. I get itchy feet even now, but our itchy feet and circumstances have carried us to different states and we don't have the opportunities that we would like to be together. There is one thing that I know: I will not allow my family to end up like this. I will do whatever it takes to see my children and their families. It should be an annual thing. Perry Como's Home for the Holidays is playing in my mind. :) "...If you wanna be happy in a million ways, for the holidays, you can't be beat Home Sweet Home..... For the holidays you can't beat HOME SWEET HOME." That is my favorite Christmas carol.

Temptation

September 11th looms. The anniversary of the fateful day when all hell broke loose in the United States is close enough to bolster security around our country, in the air and on the sea, but apparently someone has forgotten what transpired.

The Grand Canyon is Mother Nature's palette in the Southwest. A beautiful mixture of Mother Nature's ability to create as well as destroy...After all, the Grand Canyon was basically created by erosion.

The artist's rendering of the proposed glass-bottomed walkway triggers numerous red flags in my heart, mind and soul.

We do have to live our lives. We have to NOT FEAR, but this is taking fearlessness to an irresponsible level. The new walkway screams, "Here I am! Come and get me." It is not the motto of choice.

The really hard part of nixing this project is that it is a Native American idea set to increase tourism of reservation property. This could be touchy to negotiate as we have taken so much from them.

I do not believe that there is a way to make the walkway reasonably safe. It simply juts out over the canyon. It is an easy target for an airplane. Heck, it looks like it is an easy target for a hail storm!

We can live fearlessly after the events of 911, but we must also create and live responsibly. Perhaps the glass-bottomed walk-out was appealing pre-911, but now, it is simply a "target" and a soft one at that. Back to the drawing board, I say.

The meaning of life

I found the answer to the meaning of life. It finally dawned on me after another sleepless night.

Things happen in your life that make life very difficult. You can spend a lot of time trying to reconcile the past. Or. And this is the important part OR you can have a wonderful rest of your life.

I sit here sometimes lamenting about how childhood abuse, date rape, battered woman survival have made my life a living hell. But the fact of the matter is: I, yes, me, I made my life a living hell. How? By being stuck back there....In stuff that happened in the past.

This might sound 'simple' and you might be thinking, "well, DUH.", but honestly, when you are in the midst of flashbacks, it just isn't so easy to see the forest for the trees.

I was sitting here watching Brian's Song on HBO. Real tear jerker and I thought, "I hope that I don't lose G like that." Brian Piccolo died when he was only 26.

But I have been dead. I have been dead in this body. Paralyzed by things that I never had control over at the time. BUT and this is important...I can take control of it now. So what? So what? So what! It happened. It's over. They are gone and long out of my life. WOW.

Amazing realization. I cannot believe how long it took me to learn this. I can just let it go.

I gotta go now. I have to go play with my kids; fly a kite; blow bubbles; clean the house; make a pot of coffee-live MY life. It is MY life. WOW.

What one fears~one destroys

One week ago, Sunday, it was 10 p.m.-ish and we returned home from a little jaunt. I saw the movement in our backyard first. I knew immediately that it was a raccoon family. One, two, three-oh three is Mommy-four. Four. Uh, no wait, five. Holy gray stripes at night! Um, nope, uh, one more. A half dozen. Six raccoons have taken up residence in our backyard.

Number One Daughter and Little Big Boy were fascinated by the follow the leader parade that took place before our headlights. And this supplies answers to many questions that we have been pondering all summer.

Number One Daughter has seen "eyes in a gray face in the sticks." 'Look Mommy! Look!!' Well we thought it was a stray cat. Bessie has been attacking the brush pile since late spring and barking up a storm...cats; it has to be cats, but now we know better. We have raccoons.

I am a lover of children, nature and wildlife and animals in general. These are my passions. (Sorry G-you know that you are in the top five, though;) I am enraged when communities discuss the "encroachment of wildlife" in their towns and backyards. The discussion begins and then local governments decide that it is time to take action to "purge the intruders" from their midst.

Listen, WE encroached on them. We have taken their habitat away. What do people expect? That interstate was once prime woodland or your home is located on what was once a deer's bed. You get my point. I am very partial to us finding a way to cohabitate with animals. It is not only the native american blood that courses through my veins; it is that I have lived with wildlife and it can be done without risk as long as you follow the rules.

Rules like-don't try to domesticate wildlife. Don't try to approach or pet wildlife. It really is that simple. Just give them their three-foot circle and they will give you yours: if they are healthy they will stay out of your way. It boils down to respect for one another.

Raccoons are interesting creatures. They are beggars or rather they learn to beg. They know that they are cute and that you will fall in love with them. Mommy raccoons know that you will part with loaves of bread and piles of popcorn if she brings her little ones to call on you. After all, you are a simpleton. You are human. "Hi, Human. Gather bread, Human. Feed my kits. Good Human; good Human."

Let's bust the biggest raccoon myth right here and now: Raccoons do NOT wash their food. I know what you are thinking; you're ready to click right out of here. Yet, I assure you that I am telling the truth. It is cute and it looks like they are washing their food; I agree, it really does look that way. In actuality, raccoons do not have saliva; thus, they wet their food to make it easier to eat. That makes it all the more entertaining to me.

Well we have our six friends and I am sad. I do not want to remove them or kick them to the curb. However, I have to take care of Number One Daughter and Little Big Boy. If one of the raccoons becomes rabid, well the possibilities are not pretty.

Lois Lane had a rabid raccoon visitor recently and that is what made me realize that I will have to do something. She explained that the raccoon family would leave of their own free will if I place a radio near their nest or den or whatever their home is called, they will leave. The radio has to be turned up very loudly and tuned to talk radio. Interesting. Who leaves first: the neighbors or the raccoon family? (Can I tell you who I would prefer left first?)

There are many feeling running through my mind. I adore raccoons and have seen many and have resided in forests with a few. They are cute. They are not and do not make good pets. I know what must be done, but I don't want to do it. I will call the DNR and ask them to come and trap the family and relocate them, but I keep putting it off. I still have that nagging feeling that we should be tolerant. We are in their neck of the woods. (Actually, we are three blocks from a big lake-a great lake even, but we are also located in a city. They must have taken a wrong turn at the turnip truck)

Sharp shooters are shooting deer in cities and towns in my state because they get into backyards and walk down city streets. People hit deer on highways and roadways all of the time. It is possible to see them before they get into your line of sight, but you have to be looking for and watching out for them. You can see them on the shoulders or in the tall grass or next to the trees in woods or forests.

My quandry is this: I made a life protecting wildlife and nature-natural resources. I do not want to move them. Everything in me tells me to let them be. We took away their food sources, their homes, their habitat. I do not know what to do, but I know what the Native American blood in me says:

If you talk to the animals they will talk with you and you will know each other.

If you do not talk to them you will not know them,

and what you do not know you will fear.

What one fears one destroys.
~Chief Dan George

Men and their blogs...

My husband has decided to join 'blog land.' It makes me happy. Blogging is a fine pastime. An interesting way to meet people that you wouldn't ordinarily meet. A good way to vent, dream or fantasize about almost anything.

So I would like to introduce you to my husband, Warriors Forever . He is the former Executive Producer for the SportsAmerican Radio Network. He has rubbed elbows with some incredible sports talents in media and on the field of play, including Kevin Harlan and a certain green and gold clad number four superstar from the frozen tundra.

That is impressive, even to me, but the role that he really excels in is that of husband and father. He gave up the glory of sports to head into a medical career, which would allow him to spend more time with his family. In that way, he is a lot like Moonlight Graham. Moonlight Graham played one inning of a baseball game, as I recall. Although he was awesome at baseball, he gave it all up and became a doctor.

G's favorite number is four. That is interesting because Paul Molitor, G's all-time favorite baseball player was number four and Brett Favre is number four. The most amazing thing about the number four in G's life is that in numerology, I am a number four. I'd like to be a ten, but I will settle for the number four because that is what he likes.

I hope that you enjoy reading his blog too. Feel free to report back any little thing that I should be made aware of ;)

You might also enjoy, Webb's Just a Sexy Boy, truth be told, I am the one who he refers to in his first post; I used to do this to help him get over his shyness. Number One Daughter is his God Daughter.

And I have been visiting a new blog: Sdwynd's Ramblings and Musings. His "grasshopper" was diagnosed with autism and the family is sponsoring a walk for a cure. Please visit his blog and bookmark it so you can offer support and donations if you are able. And DO check out his music link. He rocks for Jesus. Too cool.

You can also help Amateur Dad right now. He is working on a novel and would like feedback. It is an interesting read and I recommend it if you haven't checked out Dancing Among the Fireflies, please do and be liberal with your comments.;)

And here is a blog that you should bookmark. It's by an Aussie daddy who is a poet, prankster and proud father of one with another on the way. You MUST work back to the It's a BIG Ad post; not only is it worth the trip, but you will laugh out loud. Drop by and say G'Day, Mate or Quark Quark...you will have to read his posts to get that one;) Chocolate Makes it Better.

These are the blogs that make me smile, think or shed a tear or two. It depends. Men blog and it is a good thing because it lets us get into their minds. It helps us understand and surrender. Their laughter, joy and pain is real and raw. I enjoy seeing the world through a man's blog. Sometimes it helps me understand G or 18 year old a little more. That is what life is about: understanding. When you understand, you can assist or encourage. This 'cyber-village' is all right.

Sammie

Sammie, originally uploaded by SingAsong.

I stole a link for Sammie's pictures from Lemonhead's blog. Isn't Sammie the cutest little parakeet? The size comparison here is amazing. This baby against the back-drop of a human nose is amazing. Sammie's owner used photoshop software to enhance the photo. If you click on Sammie's picture, you can see SingAsong's flickr photo album. It is worth a gander. (Pun sooooo intended.)

Turn it Up or DOWN~RIGHT NOW

I have added music to my blog. I cannot control the volume, so you need to do it now before you get shocked:)

Right now it's Counting Crows-Hangin' Around:)

Earlier, I had Personal Jesus on by Depeche Mode. Thenit was the Dream Academy's Live in a Northern Town. You can see the video on the right gutter. The videos are not always viewable, but the music is good usually.

Trust the Gorton's Fisherman

It was dinner time and everyone was hungry. In fact, we hadn't had a meal all day long. Just various snacks and that made everyone even more ready for a good meal. It wasn't gourmet, but it was decent. G threw several bags of this and that into the oven to heat and we were going to enjoy a salad, too.

We got to the table and barely took our seats before we started grabbing the chicken clods and fries from the glass platter on the middle of the table. I mean we were shoveling food onto our plates like we had been stranded on a desert island with nothing to eat and no way to catch a meal either. Yeah, we were Starvin' Marvin' and you better just stay out of our reach for the platter of food.

After I had gobbled one of the chicken nuggets-that in itself should be an indication of how famished I was. I do NOT, repeat-DO NOT-eat anything that has been flaked and formed. Well after I downed one of the mini hockey pucks, I realized that there was far better fare on the platter. Yeah, it was charred, but charred beats flaked and formed any day. Yes, these little drops were just for G and me...Breaded mini shrimp. Yum. Yum.

G and I split the little golden, I mean black, morsels in half and placed them on our plates. We ate them greedily and more than one fly was swatted into the middle of next week for attempting a landing on one of these little dandies.

G left the table and returned with tartar sauce. He glanced at his plate, "HEY! I had 18. There were 18 shrimp on my plate. Now there are only 17; you give it back." I explained that I had not taken his little shrimp and that it was just pathetic for him to try to get one off of my plate by faining that I had stolen one from his.

"Mommy, MORE!" Little Big Boy ordered. More milk. I don't mind that he doesn't say please every time. It is an order that I wouldn't tolerate from anyone else. Maybe it is because he is the baby of the family. Maybe it is because his voice is just too sweet to see it as anything, but a cute little request, but I rose from the table and filled his glass.

After I replaced the jug of milk in the frig, I looked at my plate and at least five shrimps were missing-and I know that they didn't go to school 'cause it hasn't even started yet-in our neck of the woods anyway. Well, I looked accusingly at G and he shook his head no-no he said without a word, I did not take your little shrimps.

Well someone get on the phone and find the Hardy Boys! This was a real stumper. Our kitchen is little. Our table has just enough room for five people plus platters. We were practically sitting in each other's laps, for Pete's sake and our little shrimp were disappearing before we could say, "Trust the Gorton's fisherman."

Then, quite suddenly and stealthly, I noticed a little hand flash over to G's plate. Tiny fingers stole a little shrimp. I watched the culprit do it again. And again. And again. The thief had revealed himself...

I caught G's attention and tossed my head for him to watch what had been transpiring right before our eyes.

Little Big Boy's hand reached right over and grabbed a shrimp while we were talking. Then he would reach over to my plate and take one from there too. It was all very fair and he was taking equally; we have raised him well. Share and share alike. He took them like they were his. Very matter-of-factly-with no intention of deception at all. He was hungry and he knew where the best tasting stuff was.

G and I sat there and smiled at each other. You know that smile of knowing parents. We let him finish off all of our shrimp. It was entertaining. It was innocent. It was thievery! Oops. Lost it there for a moment. He took the little shrimps and it was all good. He just wanted "MORE." It is his way.

Redwoods

This is my retreat.

Where I love to hide.

Nothing is big when you bring it to a redwood.

The pity party didn't last long. My G is far too wonderful to allow me to wallow in it. Did the worm get 'cha? Got us sort of, but we actually were protected...whatever that means. We lost nothing but a little time. No worries.

Personal pity party

Well.
Well. Well. Well.
That's the way the cookie crumbles.

The potential trip into the "real world" no longer exists.

It is funny...remember that I said I was going to give it up to him? Well, I guess that I took it back along the line.

It was going to be third shift at a hospital. Admitting. Great benefits. A chance to work fulltime without taking away from my kids. No daycare expenses, but if there would be, the hospital subsidizes the cost. It was a chance for a new career. The others take too much away from family life. So I must have taken it back from God. When I looked at it from all sides, it looked so great and like the answer to prayers. What I didn't realize is that after the awesome two hour interview and positive feedback, that the real answer was going to be, "no." Where did it derail and why does it matter so much?

After careful consideration, I know that if it had worked out, it wouldn't have worked out. Crazier hours than I have ever worked, etc. But it is no longer a possibility and the only thing that I can think of is: It's time for a little pity party. sniff. sniff. Yeah time to have a personal pity party.

Whiskeytown Falls

For almost 100 years, a little bit of Heaven has eluded mass detection. It makes me a little bit sad that it was rediscovered. In Whiskeytown, California, a 400 foot waterfall was discovered. It had been seen before, but only by a handful of people who didn't mark it correctly and didn't revisit it. Anyway, it was discovered untouched and unblemished and for the first time in 20 years, I am planning a hike into the California wilderness. Back injury compounded by back injury made me leave the outdoors that I craved. If the discovery of a waterfall is what it took to take me back, then so be it! I am so excited that I cannot contain myself.

I showered in waterfalls...in the back-country...bathed in pools so wonderful and natural that it would make you weep. I will be there. I will. I want to witness the beauty of falls that are untouched by man.

I collect Santas

A few months back, I wrote about 18-year-old and my stay in a homeless shelter. He referred to it for many years as, "the time we lived in the church." I smile when I say that. I have no shame from that time. Well I do not feel shamed about it now. Sure it was difficult and in its way very, very debilitating, but it was also a catalyst for better things ahead and better times.

We went into the shelter in October, so the holiday season was closing in and finances were tighter than tight. I completed a wish list for 18 year old who was in K-5. I didn't want to complete a survey for me, but they said, you need pajamas, so I did give them my size.

We got out of the homeless shelter and life moved on. I think that I forgot about the survey. Christmas was tight; I managed a few small gifts for my son.

Well as Christmas drew closer, K-5er and I were hanging homemade decorations that he made in kindergarten. While we were working, someone buzzed our apartment. It was a worker from the homeless shelter. Now, get this-I was more embarrassed to see the homeless shelter in my home than I was to see her in the homeless shelter. We didn't have furniture or anything, but I had a roof over our heads and it was in a nicer neighborhood. I felt guilty that we had a home. As crazy as that sounds, I felt guilty that I had so much after having had so little.

Well, she came up and had a couple of bags with gifts. K-5er and I had fun removing them from the bags. The lady went downstairs and then she was knocking on our door. Well we opened it and there were two young men with her and they had a Christmas tree:) WOW. I was so surprised. We didn't have one yet. I had strung lights in a cone shape and had intended to use that for a tree unless I was able to find a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Well we didn't have to.

On Christmas morning, we opened gifts and it was very nice. There was a box for me, too. It was a clothes box, so I guessed that it had the pajamas in it. They were and they were warm and cozy. But also in that box, tucked into the pajama top was a Santa ornament. Just Santa's face. It had the most soulful eyes of any inanimate object that I had ever seen. There was a note that sent us the giver's prayers, too. I was beyond touched.

I have loved Christmas all of my life. I love it for reasons that I cannot express, which is difficult for someone who prizes their command of language and pen. But that is the Christmas that I began to collect Santas. I am not a typical collector of Santas. I do not collect every Santa in sight so that I have a huge collection. No, the Santas that I collect have to have interesting eyes...soulful eyes. Eyes that see beyond pain and all the way to possibility.

The Christmas that in many ways could have been the worst Christmas actually turned out to be one of the best. Not only for me, but for my now 18 year old. That Santa ornament has needed a repair or reglue here and there, but it remains my favorite of all of my Santas. The love on his face must have been hard to capture in plaster and paint, but it is there.

One day, I will have a 365 day per year Christmas room. I am almost finished collecting a tree for every room. I think that I need one more for the kitchen and I will have enough. In a prized place in the Christmas year 'round room, I will place the Santa face ornament. I think of it as my 'homeless Santa'. You could not look into those eyes without finding home.

I wish it were Christmas

I wish it were Christmas.

The world is kinder.
The hearth is warmer.

Life is richer.

I wish it were Christmas.

If it were Christmas,

Everyone would take a deep breath,

And wonder at the glitter.

I wish it were Christmas.

Christmas today.

Christmas tomorrow.

Christmas forever.

Casey's letter home

Cindy Sheehan demands that President Bush meet with her to discuss her son's death in Iraq. Casey Sheehan had a conversation with his mother before he shipped out to Iraq. This is the conversation as described by Cindy:

"I begged him not to go," she said through tears. "I said, 'I'll take you to Canada' ... but he said, 'Mom, I have to go. It's my duty. My buddies are going."'

Casey was a soldier and he viewed shipping out as his duty. That should be enough to calm his mother's fears. She is blaming President Bush for murdering her son. He did not build a bomb and place it next to the road. He did not fire a bullet. He did not grab Casey out of his life and make him a soldier against his will.

Casey was the kind of man who would throw himself on top of a grenade. At 24-years old, he understood what honor is. He made the ultimate sacrifice for the Iraqi people who have been unable to protect themselves from tyranny for decades. He also gave his life so that we can live our lives without the fear of terrorism. It is every where. He made it a little harder for terrorists to attack civilians in other nations. He did not die in vain.

Mass graves have been found in which innocents have been buried-some of them alive. Cindy Sheehan needs to consider the the conditions that the Iraqi people where found living in when our troops entered the country. Mass graves were found in which innocents have been buried-some of them while they were still alive. Men were taken from their families and tortured and murdered without reason. Women cannot show their faces in public.

My 18 year old son has enlisted. Oh my gosh, I am scared to death. I told him that I do not want a flag. But I also told him-after many, many discussions in which I tried to talk him out of enlisting-I told him: I'm proud of you. I'm really proud of you.

It is a very scary time in the world. If my son feels that he can make a difference in making it safer, than I need to listen to what he is telling me. It is his right--as a man. I hope that he is successful for the sake of his children and his siblings.

Oh, I understand Cindy's pain, but it is time for her to honor her son's memory by honoring his acts of manhood. He was a soldier on duty in a country that desperately needs policing. If she takes her son's wishes into consideration, she will pack up and go home. There she can start a scholarship in her son's memory. This is most likely how he would prefer to be remembered. He said as much when he told his mother, "Mom, I have to go. It's my duty. My buddies are going." He said it all right then and there.

Are you sure you want to delete this?

Of course I am sure that I want to delete this. Computer, you think that you are real...Alive... Intelligent. You, Computer are hardware...With some software to get your hardware rolling.

Another pop up box:

Are you extremely, positively certain that you want to delete this?

Yes, nitwit. I am positive-extremely so- I DO. I DO WANT TO DELETE THIS.

Click okay. Okay.

Hey, uh, hmmm. What happened to the audio? Uh, Computer, what happened to the audio? Why can't I hear anything.

Computer: I asked you four times if you were sure that you wanted to delete that.

Me: Computer, loyal friend, why didn't you tell me that I needed it?

Computer: You ignorant wench-there was a message right below my caution to you. The message read: if you delete this, it will change how some programs operate on your computer. You are a nincompoop.

Is it me, or do computers sound a lot like Hal from 2001 Space Odyssey?

I cannot hear anything any more. I cannot play DVDs or CDs. I cannot find our original discs that would allow us to reload everything. Microsoft Word and other accessories are gone, too. That was from my last run-in with the delete button. You would think that I would have learned my lesson, but NO.

Sigh. I need a life.

Survey says-Edit

Karen-Lovin' the Ride tagged me. There are two articles. This one is shorter. The one that follows has a lot of detail.

You decide which you prefer to read and thank you for reading my blog.

25 Years Ago: August 1980- I was working in the most beautiful places on Earth. I not only worked outdoors, but I lived outdoors. I breathed fresh air in places that hadn't seen a car or any other vehicle. I hiked into worksites and showered behind waterfalls. I bathed in natural pools with biodegradable soap. I ate miner's lettuce and taught back country survival skills. I lived, worked and breathed in a place that was as close to Heaven as one person can be-literally and figuratively.

20 Years Ago: August 1985- I launched my second career-had to leave forestry behind because of back injury. Radio Personality was a great replacement for forestry...believe it or not.

10 Years Ago: August 1995- G asked me to marry him and it changed my life.

5 Years Ago: August 2000 - I was teaching Number One Daughter to walk.

Yesterday: I was inconsolable.

Today: We cooked on a "new" electric stove from freecycle; we haven't been able to cook in our kitchen ever! We moved in last October and began renovations immediately.

Tomorrow: We are painting.

5 snacks I enjoy: Watermelon; pretzels; tomatoes off of the vine; chocolate milk and popcorn

5 (only five? why only five???) bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: The Bodeans; Poi Dog Pondering; U2, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Journey; Styx; Loverboy; Foreigner; Supremes; Dion; The Grass Roots

5 bands that I have introduced on stage: The Grass Roots; The Turtles; Blood, Sweat and Tears; Little Eva-who loved 18 year old and gave him gifts while we were backstage in her trailer...she hugged him very tight;) and G introduced Neil Diamond on stage.

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: 1-Buy dream homes for my siblings, parents and self; 2-establish the Mike Bortz Memorial Scholarship fund for children of FBI agents who have been killed in the line of duty; 3-start an orphanage; 4-launch a children's foundation to stop hunger, abuse and neglect; 5-Launch a battered woman's shelter.

5 scorn-worthy habits I have: 1-yelling; 2-procrastination; 3-day dreaming; 4-slouching; 5-not believing that I am worthy of anything good or of value.

5 things I like doing: 1- being with, teaching and loving my children 2- writing; 3-radio personality; 4-relishing the view of mountains and the smell of salt water simultaneously; 5-live & work in National or State parks

5 things I WISH I could wear: 1-a halter top! 2-ONE of Audrey Hepburn's ohsotight and stunning dresses; 3-short shorts; 4-swimsuit minus shorts or other cover up; 5-anything in a size that has only one digit.

5 TV shows I like: 1-Dawson's Creek-I can't let it go. 2-Nature documentaries; 3-Home remodeling educational shows; 4-Sex and the City; 5-Friends

5 movies I like: 1-Little Women w/June Allyson; 2-You've Got Mail; 3-Roman Holiday; 4-The Court Jester w/Danny Kaye; 5-Fried Green Tomatoes---TAWANDA!!!!!! LOL

5 famous people I'd like to meet: 1-Tom Hanks; 2-John Grisham; 3-Dr. Phil McGraw; 4-Erma Bombeck-She passed away ages ago, but she is largely my inspiration for writing; 5-Charles Dickens

5 biggest joys: 1-my husband and children; 2-mountains; 3-Pacific Ocean; 4-CHILDREN; 5-writing

Other tidbits about me:

~I hate it when people swear on their blog.

~My favorite book: David Copperfield

~G is my best friend...our friendship was four years strong when we first kissed. I have known him longer than any other person in my life-other than my siblings.

~I am empathetic to a fault--easily hurt, I not only feel other's pain, I make it my own.

~I was a happy person, easily amused, easy going and laughed a lot; I hope to find that "true-self" again.

~I have no regrets when defending and protecting my children.

~There are/were people in my life that I will never forgive.

~G and I were featured in a Good Housekeeping article about women who date/marry younger men. (Sandra Bullock, Madonna, Courtney Cox and others were the primary article....but G and I were in there, too.) I have a goofy smile on my face-remembering it.

~When I was at the height of my career as a radio personality, I received proposals from fans who I had never met.

~A fan of my show "stalked" me.

~The stalker once coaxed my then seven year old son to open a locked door and let him in. He eventually landed in prison because of it.

~The first fan letter that I ever received was from a prison inmate who listened to my show while he was working on a road crew. He wanted me to "wait for him."

~I love to cook and my specialty is homemade flour tortillas and "pinch food" with lots of fresh cilantro.

~I have held too many animals in my arms when they passed away.

~I am clairvoyant-not always, but enough to respect my inner voice.

~If you visit California State or National Parks, you will probably walk on a trail that I helped blaze.

~If you watch a PBS special on Salmon spawning and see a crew removing rocks from a Salmon ladder, you are watching my crew in action.

~If you visit Muir Woods near San Francisco, you will see a redwood wall that my crew built to protect the river bank from erosion.

~If you visit Bodega Bay and are handicapped, you can travel in your wheelchair all the way to the ocean because my crew built the handicap access trail.

~If you visit Angel Island in San Francisco Bay, you will visit a historical island that was the "Ellis Island" of the West Coast-we restored most of the buildings and grounds.

~If you visit the Los Padres National Forest in Ventura and Los Angeles counties, you will be in the first national park that I ever worked in. This is where I fell in love with forestry.

~I once went out on a roof to keep someone from jumping off of it.

~I was once pinned down by three grown men while they encouraged a mentally challenged co-worker to assault me. I fired all of them.

My favorite tree: Redwood. My crew stood finger tip to finger tip and we could not reach all the way around one-my crew was 15 members.

Favorite picnic spot: Inside a redwood. Fifteen adults sprawled this way and that and there was room for more:)

~I once got out of a vehicle in full uniform and ran two miles with new recruits to encourage them to keep going.

My favorite mountain: Grand Teton

My favorite ocean: Pacific

My second favorite country: Japan

My biggest fear: I will never find myself again; that PTSD will define my life forever.

~I used to sing and dance a lot-I miss it.

~My all time favorite song: You've Got What it Takes by Dave Clark Five.

~I am the only sibling without blue eyes. Mine are hazel and often look amber.

~My favorite color: violet.

~My mother's family is from Mexico.

~My great-great paternal grandfather married a Cherokee.

~I was born in California; my siblings were born in Tennessee.

~If you ask Little Big Boy where he was born, he replies, "I was born in the USA." He says it matter of factly. If he feels so inclined and you leave him alone after he anwers, he will start to sing the song.

~I am not graceful-I am a bull in a china closet.

~I am always barefoot.

~I love Disneyland.

Survey says...

25 Years Ago: August 1980- I was working in the most beautiful places on Earth. I not only worked outdoors, but I lived outdoors. I breathed fresh air in places that hadn't seen a car or any other vehicle. I hiked into worksites and showered behind waterfalls. I bathed in natural pools with biodegradable soap. I ate miner's lettuce and taught back country survival skills. I lived, worked and breathed in a place that was as close to Heaven as one person can be-literally and figuratively.

20 Years Ago: August 1985- I launched my second career-had to leave forestry behind because of back injury. Radio Personality was a great replacement for forestry...believe it or not.

10 Years Ago: August 1995- G asked me to marry him and it changed my life.

5 Years Ago: August 2000 - I was teaching Number One Daughter to walk.

Yesterday: I was inconsolable-my hormone replacement therapy isn't at full strength

Today: We cooked on a "new" electric stove from freecycle; we haven't been able to cook in our kitchen ever! We moved in last October and began renovations immediately.

Tomorrow: Is crunch time-I have 63 articles to write by the 13th.

5 snacks I enjoy: Watermelon; pretzels; tomatoes off of the vine; chocolate milk and popcorn

5 (only five? why only five???) bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: The Bodeans; Poi Dog Pondering; U2, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Journey; Styx; Loverboy; Foreigner; Supremes; Dion; The Grass Roots

3 bands that I have introduced on stage: The Grass Roots; Blood, Sweat and Tears; Little Eva-who loved 18 year old and gave him gifts while we were backstage in her trailer...she hugged him very tight;)

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: 1-Buy dream homes for my siblings, parents and self; 2-establish the Mike Bortz Memorial Scholarship fund for children of FBI agents who have been killed in the line of duty; 3-start an orphanage; 4-launch a children's foundation to stop hunger, abuse and neglect; 5-Launch a battered woman's shelter.

5 scorn-worthy habits I have: 1-yelling; 2-procrastination; 3-day dreaming; 4-slouching; 5-not believing that I am worthy of anything good or of value.

5 things I like doing: 1- being with, teaching and loving my children 2- writing; 3-radio personality; 4-relishing the view of mountains and the smell of salt water simultaneously; 5-live & work in National or State parks;

5 things I WISH I could wear: 1-a halter top! 2-ONE of Audrey Hepburn's ohsotight and stunning dresses; 3-short shorts; 4-swimsuit minus shorts or other cover up; 5-anything in a size that has only one digit.

5 TV shows I like: 1-Dawson's Creek-I can't let it go. 2-Nature documentaries; 3-Home remodeling educational shows; 4-Sex and the City; 5-Friends

5 movies I like: 1-Little Women w/June Allyson; 2-You've Got Mail; 3-Roman Holiday; 4-The Court Jester w/Danny Kaye; 5-Fried Green Tomatoes---TAWANDA!!!!!! LOL

5 famous people I'd like to meet: 1-Tom Hanks; 2-John Grisham; 3-Dr. Phil McGraw; 4-Erma Bombeck-She passed away ages ago, but she is largely my inspiration for writing; 5-Charles Dickens

5 biggest joys at the moment: 1-my husband and children; 2-mountains; 3-Pacific Ocean; 4-CHILDREN; 5-writing

Other tidbits about me:

~I hate it when people swear on their blog. I usually stop reading the post and navigate away. If it is the blogger's habit, I usually stop visiting that blog.

~G is my best friend...our friendship was four years strong when we first kissed. I have known him longer than any other person in my life-other than my siblings.

~I am empathetic to a fault--easily hurt, I not only feel other's pain, I make it my own.

~I was a happy person, easily amused, easy going and laughed a lot--then flashbacks invaded my days and nights. Then nothing in my life made sense anymore. I am trying to recover from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and find the happiness again...once and for all.

~I have no regrets when defending and protecting my children. I don't care whose feelings are hurt. No one messes with my children's psyches.

~There are/were people in my life that I will never forgive. God is charged with forgiving--I have relived events that are unforgivable. My pastor told me that I shouldn't stop trying to forgive...so far, I do not see the benefit. I forgave someone once...then a whole new set of flashbacks involving that person began. What is the point?

~G and I were featured in a Good Housekeeping article about women who date/marry younger men. (Sandra Bullock, Madonna, Courtney Cox and others were the primary article....but G and I were in there, too....I have always ended up with pups. I have dated older men, but I bagged me a young stud-ten years my junior. It was quite a scandal at the radio station where we met. I should blog it one of these days. :) I have a goofy smile on my face.

~When I was at the height of my career as a radio personality, I received proposals from fans who I had never met.

~A fan of my show "stalked" me. Once I didn't even know that he had shown up at one of my appearances. All of a sudden, there were five deputies around a tent where I was giving away prizes at a live remote. One deputy stepped into the tent with me and put his arm around my waist. He introduced himself and stayed aboutthisclose. Then the other four deputies walked away. The deputy who had been holding me looked at me and said that at that every moment the stalker was being told that he had just pissed off my husband-the one with his arm around me. I kissed the deputy on the cheek and I started to wear a wedding band.

~The stalker once coaxed my then seven year old son to open a locked door and let him in. He was arrested many times, but he was actually "nailed" when I recorded him threatening to come to my home or to the station and sexually assault me. I did not have to testify at the trial. My boss did.

~The first fan letter that I ever received was from a prison inmate who listened to my show while he was working on a road crew. He wanted me to "wait for him."

~One night, on our way home from a party---G and I were dating---I told him to pull over and we walked down to the river and were friendly under the stars. Years later, we drove near this spot and realized that you could see it from the highway. That's entertainment?

~I love to cook and my specialty is homemade flour tortillas and "pinch food" with lots of fresh cilantro.

~I hate lying.

~I love music.

~I have claustrophobia, PTSD and anxiety disorders. I also have a touch of OCD.

~I have held too many animals in my arms when they passed away.

~I am clairvoyant-not always, but enough to respect my inner voice.

~If you visit California State or National Parks, you will probably walk on a trail that I helped blaze.

~If you watch a PBS special on Salmon spawning and see a crew removing rocks from a Salmon ladder, you are watching my crew in action. I actually broke two fingers while working. I didn't say anything at the time because I did not want the film crew to pick up on that. What we were doing was too important to be side lined because of my injury. Stream clearance was one of my favorite projects. We dismantled many log jams so salmon could swim up stream to spawn.

~If you visit Muir Woods near San Francisco, you will see a redwood wall that my crew built to protect the river bank from erosion.

~If you visit Bodega Bay and are handicapped, you can travel in your wheelchair all the way to the ocean because my crew built the handicap access trail.

~If you visit Angel Island in San Francisco Bay, you will visit a historical island that was the "Ellis Island" of the West Coast-we restored most of the buildings and grounds.

~If you visit the Los Padres National Forest in Ventura and Los Angeles counties, you will be in the first national park that I ever worked in. This is where I fell in love with forestry.

~I once went out on a roof to keep someone from jumping off of it. I talked with him for three hours-he didn't jump. At the time, I was a 30-45 minute boat ride from the mainland and another half hour from the nearest hospital. We should have called flight for life-thought I am not certain that it existed at the time. I took him to an emergency room and he was hospitalized. He never tried to take his life again.

~I was not so lucky on two other occasions. One friend shot himself to death-forever 29 and the other killed herself in hospital on her first night alone in two months-forever 16.

~I was once pinned down by three grown men while they encouraged a mentally challenged co-worker to assault me. I fired all of them. One month later, I was asked to sit in on a meeting with the mentally challenged young man, my superior and the young man's parents. I should mention that the parents were both actors and very stunning. I sat there for three minutes, realized that this man's parents didn't love him and hired this man back in front of his parents. I told him that if he ever assaulted another woman, that I would kick his butt-personally and soundly. I looked his parents in the eye and told them that they should be ashamed of themselves for not caring that their 20-year-old son didn't have basic survival or social skills. I also told them that though they were "beautiful people," they were the lowest and ugliest form of life that I had ever met, especially for saying that his looks made it impossible for him to be successful in life. Their son went on to become one of the hardest working members of my crew. Ultimately, he was second only to me on my crew in terms of authority and know how. He never assaulted anyone again.

My favorite tree: Redwood. My crew stood finger tip to finger tip and we could not reach all the way around one-my crew was 15 members.

Favorite picnic spot: Inside a redwood. Fifteen adults sprawled this way and that and there was room for more:)

~I once got out of a vehicle in full uniform and ran two miles with new recruits because they were giving up and ready to quit--It was scorching hot. They were over-weight and at the end of the pack of 300 new recruits, I ran with them and encouraged them to keep going. I told them that the first time that I ran that very two mile stretch, it took me 42 minutes. Then I told them about my current time of 14:20. Thirty days later, those recruits ran two miles in under 30 minutes, which was the cut off time. After they left camp for their assignments, I was reading exit paperwork with my peers and supervisors-we were the trainers. On several of the exit documents, under the title "most memorable academy experience," were descriptions of me stopping the truck and running with them in my boots. I have tears in my eyes even now.

My favorite mountain: Grand Teton

My favorite ocean: Pacific

My second favorite country: Japan

My biggest fear: I will never find myself again--that PTSD has robbed me of peace and my sense of humor. That PTSD will define my life forever.

~I used to sing and dance a lot.

~My all time favorite song is You've Got What it Takes by Dave Clark Five. I dedicated it to my listeners on Fridays-it became my signature song.

~I am the only sibling without blue eyes. Mine are hazel and often look amber.

~My favorite color is violet.

~My mother's family is from Mexico.

~My great-great paternal grandfather married a Cherokee.

~I was born in California; my siblings were born in Tennessee.

~If you ask Little Big Boy where he was born, he replies, "I was born in the USA." He says it matter of factly. If he feels so inclined and you leave him alone after he anwers, he will start to sing the song.

~I am not graceful-I am a bull in a china closet.

~I am always barefoot.

~I love Disneyland.

By my side~forever

Close your eyes and whisper that you will be here forever.
Tell me that my fear of abandonment may be rooted in my soul,
But that you are not defined by my past or my fear of it.

Tell me that I am still your best friend.
...That I will always be your best friend.
We are not limited by roles, but I want to be more than a lover.
I want to know your soul inside and out forever.

When we ignore the white noise that is imposed by life itself,
We are invincible.
It is as if we are playing, Red Rover.
We interlock our wrists and no matter how hard life tries,
It cannot break our bond.

It isn't easy to keep the noise from attacking our relationship,
But it is easy to identify that "noise" is what is affecting us.
We can tune it out.
Ignore the noise by my side~forever.

We are forever because our love is not defined.
It evolves each day~sometimes fresh and new,
Sometimes dependable and safe,
Sometimes a bit bruised, but never broken.
We will always exist soul to soul.

So I says to Ro...

"Ro," I says, "I have a friend who is a Marine Biologist. He visited your bloggings in re: dolphins. He told me he thinks that a pod of dolphins actually recognizes you when you come out. that is why they are more and more active around your boat. Apparently, they have kind of welcomed you into their pod. How does it feel to be a member of the family? They are so intelligent that they recognize your boat-the sound of your boat’s engind…and maybe your children’s voices and laughter. Great stuff…makes me want to go back to school."

I'm proud to be an American

It began on September 11, 2001, when airplanes were hijacked. When lives were lost. Mommies died. Daddies died. Daughters and sons died. Jihad began and it was being fought against "soft targets." Against people not trained to fight in trenches against an enemy that acts with cowardice. They no nothing of honor.

It continues road side on beds of asphalt in 118 degree heat. Soldiers, Troops, Marines, National Guard called up to defend their country.


It continues in fox holes. And it is being done to protect me and my family. It is being done to help Iraqi people who suffered at the hand of a tyrannical leader. It is for them and their future, as much as it is for me and my children's future. It is for women who are treated worse than animals in a country where women do not have a voice much less a chance.



I know men who were killed while defending my freedom. I have attended funerals of honorable men doing a thankless job. I know wives and daughters and sons presented with an American flag as a symbol of gratitude from a nation grateful for their sacrifice.


My dad went to Vietnam and I am proud of him for doing it. He enlisted during the Korean War because it was the right thing to do and he went to Vietnam. He held his boys while they breathed their last breath. He was in a war where MIA-Missing in Action was common. Matt Maupin is the only MIA from the war with Iraq. He is the only one still missing.

President Bush cried when he talked about September 11, 2001 and the lives lost. I am a Republican. I voted for Bush-both of them. If you are in the military-you understand this. I will vote republican again.

I do not believe that he is the "anti-christ" that many portray him to be. I believe that he is a human being doing what he thinks is best for our country-right now. I believe that he has information that we do not have. I believe that he is at heart a very good man.

I am a Marine Corps brat. I pray that all Airmen, Soldiers, Troops, Marines, Sailors and Special Forces, wives, mothers, fathers, siblings, children, I pray that they will enjoy the same happy reunion depicted here. I pray that they come home. And if instead they are 'called home,' I pray that their family is comforted by the gratitude of a grateful nation.

http://www.pro-american.com/Music/Im%20proud%20to%20be%20an%20american.mp3

"And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A."

"Yes, I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A."

I support our troops yesterday, today and tomorrow.

First grade makeover

First grade begins in four weeks! First grade and K-3. Is it me, or did the summer jump to Mach Three when I wasn't looking? That is how it feels.

Number One Daughter wants a make over for first grade. She wants her long hair cut. Currently it is to her mid back. She wants it off of her shoulders. I don't blame her. It is too hot for long hair...Even if you put it up. She looks adorable in short hair. Well she looks so cute with long hair, too, but she is set on cutting her hair.

The night before last, she was picking out a dress to wear on picture day. I haven't even begun to shop for back to school clothes or supplies yet! But she is ahead of the ballgame. If I didn't know better, I would say that she is Virgo. She is ready to go back to school.

Last night was a milestone for her. She lost the first upper front tooth. Yes, the tooth fairy should be buzzing around here soon. I hope that she doesn't mind that I am working this morning. I work while my children sleep. It works well for the pocket book...No day care costs. Hallelujah.

She was so happy when her tooth finally fell out. She had been working it gingerly for several weeks. Of course, Little Big Boy would show us his "loose tooth" every time that Number One Daughter did, so the Tooth Fairy is going to pay him a visit, too. Being the 'baby' of the family has its perks.

I don't know if I am ready for her to start first grade. I do know that I am not ready for Little Big Boy to start three year old kindergarten, but that isn't what matters. The thing that does matter is that they are ready for it. They crave it. They are counting the days until it is time to begin. They are so hurry to rush out that door.

Meanwhile, 18 year old completed his make up class and is now an official Class of 2005 graduate. Seems like only yesterday that I was back to school shopping for his first grade debut. His life hit Mach Seven and no one told me a thing about it.

I want another baby. (Did that make you laugh? It will make G choke on his coffee when he reads it.) Babies slow everything down a notch. They grow fast, I know that, but they make everything take its own time. You move a bit more cautiously. Yeah, I want another baby...And that would be a trick, too. Last fall, I had emergency surgery and cannot have anymore children. Tonight, as I await the arrival of the Tooth Fairy, I am wishing that she could sprinkle a bit of that gold dust on us and make the moments last a little longer....Just a little longer so I can savor them a little more.

Tomorrow when the kids wake and run to see if the Tooth Fairy was here, I am going to drop everything that I am doing and watch them take it all in.

Peter Jennings

Peter Jennings died Sunday of complications of lung cancer. He was a throw back to a time when news reporters typed their reports on manual typewriters. As he was typing, he was puffing on a cigarette.

How do I know this? Because I was a journalism major. A news reporter. A television news personality. A newspaper editor. I know about his manual typewriter and cigarettes because there was a time when I sat at my typewriter doing the same thing. My fingers on the home row.

Jennings didn't use the home row, but he could peck out news copy on a manual typewriter faster than some typists who knew how to type by touch.

This is one of my favorite pictures of him. Oh, it is dated-his hair is still dark and there aren't as many lines on his face as there were in the days before his sudden announcement that he had lung cancer, but look at him. All confidence and sincerity. He was one of the most believable news anchors in the history of television. He looked into your soul as he reported what was happening around the world.

There is a picture in my mind of him in a pair of khaki shorts with a safari hat on and he is reporting from Vietnam. He reported from many hot spots around the world. After all, he was the number one foreign correspondent at ABC News when he was a pup. I remember this picture because my dad was in Vietnam. My dad never talks about Vietnam. Jennings did-nightly. Even the horrors that were brought over the air waves were welcomed...If only because he was there. On the front lines.

Of all of the moments that Jennings had on the air and all of the stories that he reported, there was one single moment when I became a Jennings fan. He was by then an anchor in New York. He had been for years. He was preparing to go on the air, when word came that a gunman was loose in the ABC Studios. This was especially upsetting to Jennings, I think because his young daughter was with him at the studios that very night, but you would never have know that.

Jennings, the consummate professional took it all in stride. He walked calmly to the news desk hand in hand with his little girl. He had already talked with her and she knew what to do. The ABC News studio crew watched in amazement as he put her between his legs underneath his desk after he took his seat. He sat in his chair and awaited his cue. All the while, his daughter was safely tucked between his legs. He reported the news that night, just as he had done every night before-calmly, coolly and collected. His daughter was safe and he knew this because he made sure that he knew right where she was while a gunman was free in the building. I imagine that he would squeeze her with his legs every so often to let her know that he loved her and that all would be well.

That night, Jennings became a hero. He never mentioned it on the air. Never once reported that a gunman had just entered the studios. Never once mentioned that he was protecting his daughter. Never once looked concerned. But in that 30 minute newscast, he became one of the true wonderful fathers. He was protecting his baby. The story came out as these things do, but it isn't because Jennings told it or reported it. There were too many witnesses to his calm and care. This was a moment that would be told and retold because of the sheer weight of it. Could you have kept your calm so well? His hand did not shake during the newscast. His voice did not quiver. He was perfectly professional even under these extreme circumstances.

There is one other thing that made me a Peter Jennings fan. A reporter's job is to objectively report an event. I am here to tell you that it is almost impossible to keep your opinions out of a story. You can argue the point, but I know that human beings are just not made to keep their opinions to themselves. Inevitably a bit of opinion will enter into a story. However, I think that Jennings did not put opinions into the story. He did report objectively. He kept his opinions to himself. Until that is, when the camera moved back in on him. After a disturbing story, the camera would return to him from the video feed and with one glance or pause, you knew exactly what he was thinking. You knew that he abhorred violence, crimes against children, terrorism, etc. You knew this just as surely as he had voiced his opinion. When he gave that look, especially after a news story about a child, I adored him. He said everything that I felt with one look.

I will miss that look. I know that it hasn't been on the air since April, but I will miss his look. The look that said, "This, my friends, is a bunch of bull. Completely unacceptable. This should not be." He did it by keeping his head to one side and only cutting his eyes back to the camera. He stared right into the lens and on to your soul. Yes, I will miss that look and I will also miss his closing: "For all of us here at ABC News, good night."

Trip to ER

Number One Daughter came to me Saturday morning and said, "Mommy, my face itches." Okay. Thank you for telling me. She told Daddy, too. She repeated the complaint until finally at 3:30 p.m., I looked at her face and it was covered with hives.

G ran to Walgreens and brought Benadryl home for her. Chew, chew, chew. One tablet. No effect and hives are spreading down her neck. Another pill to chew. The hives continue to itch and spread. Finally we take her to the ER. No relief from the liquid.

One look at her and they know that there is something happening. She lies on the ER bed. They search head to toe for hives. They are only on her face, neck and have moved around her face to her ears and back of the neck.

They prescribed prednisone and more Benadryl. Four of five days on meds. Of course we have no clue what happened. She didn't wash with anything new. Didn't eat anything new. Or wear anything new. Or sleep on anything new. Nothing. She knew something was wrong all day and we didn't listen to her until late afternoon. It makes me sick to my stomach.

She is fine and sleeping in our bed. I wanted her close in case she had breathing issues, which would signal a crisis. I wanted her near so that I could comfort her is she awoke itching again. I wanted to be near her to hug her because I feel guilty about ignoring her all day. I told her tonight, "Number One Daughter, if there is ever another time when you feel that I am not listening to you and you are uncomfortable, say, 'Mommy, you have to listen to me or take me to the doctor' and Number One Daughter, I will."

I woke her with my sobs of guilt. G tried to soothe me, but I was inconsolable. I am her mother and I ignored her. I can only say that it won't happen again; with the grace of God, I will not ignore her again.

When my kids have to go to the doctor, I have a rule: afterwards, they get something special. A book; crayons; small toy; bubbles. It doesn't matter. I have always done it. If they have to go to the doctor, they get something. I think that it began with 18 yr. Old because I wanted him to have something to keep him quiet so he could rest. Well, it continues to this day with Number One Daughter and with Little Big Boy. We didn't get anything last night because it was late when we left the ER, so we will pick it up today...Later today.

The sun is rising and I haven't been to sleep. I wanted to make sure that she was okay. Number One Daughter, Little Big Boy and G are all sleeping in my bed...And it is time for me to lie down too. It was an uneventful night. Thank you, Lord. It was quiet in our home. Little blessings to count instead of sheep.

There's something good on t.v.

Number One Daughter came into my bedroom this afternoon. I was working at the computer and she said, "There is something good on t.v." I asked her what it was and she made a gesture with her hand. She was making it go straight up and down and then she stated, "It's interesting."

I explained that I didn't understand what she was talking about. "What channel are you watching, Honey," I asked. I guessed that she would reply, Disney, Nick or PBS. Often these are the only channels in our home~well that isn't exactly true. Number One Daughter also loves to watch the Weather Channel. She is fascinated that there are people who can tell us what to wear:)

Well, like I said, I asked what channel she was watching. Her reply: Discovery Home Channel. "Oh really," said I, "what are they doing?" Then she got very excited and replied, "Painting a house!"

She left my room with a big smile on her face. Shortly thereafter, Little Big Boy came in and asked if he could have some paint. Then he asked if everyone could have some paint, even Bessie. Well Son, I explained, dogs cannot paint. He was very sad for her because "painting is fun!"

We are renovating our home, so they can watch G paint almost every weekend. Or hammer or tear down or do over...don't tell him that I said that last part :) Well it is neat that she is getting into the Discovery Home Channel. G and I watch it and wish that we had the money to do the projects. Heck, we wish that we had the money to get the renovations done.

But Number One Daughter finds everything interesting. She is very artistic and cannot wait until we paint her room. She is planning it out already. Her walls are primed. She wants one rainbow wall, a princess wall, horse wall and I cannot remember the other wall. She will have a lovely room.

I think that it will be good for her to help paint her room. I used to think, "NO way! What a mess that would be!" But it isn't like that at all. It doesn't have to be perfect to be a place of discovery. We don't need a 'showroom.' We need a place that spurs her imagination and creativity. Maybe if we work on their imagination now, they won't feel compelled to be perfectionists. Both G and I grew up to be pseudo perfectionists. Well, he IS a PERFECTIONIST. I try to be. It drives us crazy and creates undue stress.

So perfection is not the standard for our brood. We want them to lean toward Monet, Chagall, Cezanne or Picasso. There are enough people in the world who have to square corners. I want rounded and abstract corners~multicolored and themed. I want happiness and contentment. I want them to know that perfection is what we are born with~via God's hand. We don't have to strive to be perfect because he made us perfect in his eyes. That removes a lot of pressure. I asked her what color her walls would be. Yellow. Orange. Pink. Purple. The rainbow~the perfect promise from God. Now THAT is perfection.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...
Grown men cry.
The sound of the tears falling from their cheeks is deafening.
If powerful men listened to grown men cry, there would be no more war.

21 Marines

I'm sure that you know about the 21 Marines killed by IEDs in Iraq. All of them from the same unit in Ohio. My father is a retired Marine.

Life in the military is much like life in a small town. You know almost everyone. One loss is everyone's loss. The fact that 21 families from the same "small town" have suffered this loss is staggering to the imagination.

It isn't that their lives are more important than the over 1800 U.S. Troops who have fallen. It is that in the span of three days, 21 Marines from one small town are lost. Twenty-one flags are draped over 21 caskets that are heading for the same place. Twenty-one.

God's speed Marines & Troops. May God shine the light of His presence on you forever.

Here! Tranquility.
Sit in freshness and breathe free.
Sweetness and sunshine.

Something to write home about

Still no word on the job in the real world.

I don't think that it would bother me so much but the interviews went so well. During an interview, you get a feel for the way it is going. There is a point in every interview when you "know" whether or not it was successful. That interview was beyond successful~ it was filled with the best first impressions that I had left in a long time. I am trying not to take it back from God. I emailed the human resources generalist yesterday to assure her that I am still interested in the position and left it at that. Then I prayed. Then I left it alone.

Now that being said, something else has transpired that is making me wonder if He is talking.

I was contacted about ghost writing almost one dozen consumer education blogs. I accepted. Three of them are live on blogger now. I made the first posts last week. I have three more blogs to post to on blogger and the rest will begin in the coming weeks.

It is interesting. A bit of research. A bit of writing and viola. Done and on to the next blog. It is strange to be paid to blog. Actually, I guess I am one of the luckiest people in the world right now. Paid to blog. Now that is something to write home about.