Survey says-Edit

Karen-Lovin' the Ride tagged me. There are two articles. This one is shorter. The one that follows has a lot of detail.

You decide which you prefer to read and thank you for reading my blog.

25 Years Ago: August 1980- I was working in the most beautiful places on Earth. I not only worked outdoors, but I lived outdoors. I breathed fresh air in places that hadn't seen a car or any other vehicle. I hiked into worksites and showered behind waterfalls. I bathed in natural pools with biodegradable soap. I ate miner's lettuce and taught back country survival skills. I lived, worked and breathed in a place that was as close to Heaven as one person can be-literally and figuratively.

20 Years Ago: August 1985- I launched my second career-had to leave forestry behind because of back injury. Radio Personality was a great replacement for forestry...believe it or not.

10 Years Ago: August 1995- G asked me to marry him and it changed my life.

5 Years Ago: August 2000 - I was teaching Number One Daughter to walk.

Yesterday: I was inconsolable.

Today: We cooked on a "new" electric stove from freecycle; we haven't been able to cook in our kitchen ever! We moved in last October and began renovations immediately.

Tomorrow: We are painting.

5 snacks I enjoy: Watermelon; pretzels; tomatoes off of the vine; chocolate milk and popcorn

5 (only five? why only five???) bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: The Bodeans; Poi Dog Pondering; U2, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Journey; Styx; Loverboy; Foreigner; Supremes; Dion; The Grass Roots

5 bands that I have introduced on stage: The Grass Roots; The Turtles; Blood, Sweat and Tears; Little Eva-who loved 18 year old and gave him gifts while we were backstage in her trailer...she hugged him very tight;) and G introduced Neil Diamond on stage.

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: 1-Buy dream homes for my siblings, parents and self; 2-establish the Mike Bortz Memorial Scholarship fund for children of FBI agents who have been killed in the line of duty; 3-start an orphanage; 4-launch a children's foundation to stop hunger, abuse and neglect; 5-Launch a battered woman's shelter.

5 scorn-worthy habits I have: 1-yelling; 2-procrastination; 3-day dreaming; 4-slouching; 5-not believing that I am worthy of anything good or of value.

5 things I like doing: 1- being with, teaching and loving my children 2- writing; 3-radio personality; 4-relishing the view of mountains and the smell of salt water simultaneously; 5-live & work in National or State parks

5 things I WISH I could wear: 1-a halter top! 2-ONE of Audrey Hepburn's ohsotight and stunning dresses; 3-short shorts; 4-swimsuit minus shorts or other cover up; 5-anything in a size that has only one digit.

5 TV shows I like: 1-Dawson's Creek-I can't let it go. 2-Nature documentaries; 3-Home remodeling educational shows; 4-Sex and the City; 5-Friends

5 movies I like: 1-Little Women w/June Allyson; 2-You've Got Mail; 3-Roman Holiday; 4-The Court Jester w/Danny Kaye; 5-Fried Green Tomatoes---TAWANDA!!!!!! LOL

5 famous people I'd like to meet: 1-Tom Hanks; 2-John Grisham; 3-Dr. Phil McGraw; 4-Erma Bombeck-She passed away ages ago, but she is largely my inspiration for writing; 5-Charles Dickens

5 biggest joys: 1-my husband and children; 2-mountains; 3-Pacific Ocean; 4-CHILDREN; 5-writing

Other tidbits about me:

~I hate it when people swear on their blog.

~My favorite book: David Copperfield

~G is my best friend...our friendship was four years strong when we first kissed. I have known him longer than any other person in my life-other than my siblings.

~I am empathetic to a fault--easily hurt, I not only feel other's pain, I make it my own.

~I was a happy person, easily amused, easy going and laughed a lot; I hope to find that "true-self" again.

~I have no regrets when defending and protecting my children.

~There are/were people in my life that I will never forgive.

~G and I were featured in a Good Housekeeping article about women who date/marry younger men. (Sandra Bullock, Madonna, Courtney Cox and others were the primary article....but G and I were in there, too.) I have a goofy smile on my face-remembering it.

~When I was at the height of my career as a radio personality, I received proposals from fans who I had never met.

~A fan of my show "stalked" me.

~The stalker once coaxed my then seven year old son to open a locked door and let him in. He eventually landed in prison because of it.

~The first fan letter that I ever received was from a prison inmate who listened to my show while he was working on a road crew. He wanted me to "wait for him."

~I love to cook and my specialty is homemade flour tortillas and "pinch food" with lots of fresh cilantro.

~I have held too many animals in my arms when they passed away.

~I am clairvoyant-not always, but enough to respect my inner voice.

~If you visit California State or National Parks, you will probably walk on a trail that I helped blaze.

~If you watch a PBS special on Salmon spawning and see a crew removing rocks from a Salmon ladder, you are watching my crew in action.

~If you visit Muir Woods near San Francisco, you will see a redwood wall that my crew built to protect the river bank from erosion.

~If you visit Bodega Bay and are handicapped, you can travel in your wheelchair all the way to the ocean because my crew built the handicap access trail.

~If you visit Angel Island in San Francisco Bay, you will visit a historical island that was the "Ellis Island" of the West Coast-we restored most of the buildings and grounds.

~If you visit the Los Padres National Forest in Ventura and Los Angeles counties, you will be in the first national park that I ever worked in. This is where I fell in love with forestry.

~I once went out on a roof to keep someone from jumping off of it.

~I was once pinned down by three grown men while they encouraged a mentally challenged co-worker to assault me. I fired all of them.

My favorite tree: Redwood. My crew stood finger tip to finger tip and we could not reach all the way around one-my crew was 15 members.

Favorite picnic spot: Inside a redwood. Fifteen adults sprawled this way and that and there was room for more:)

~I once got out of a vehicle in full uniform and ran two miles with new recruits to encourage them to keep going.

My favorite mountain: Grand Teton

My favorite ocean: Pacific

My second favorite country: Japan

My biggest fear: I will never find myself again; that PTSD will define my life forever.

~I used to sing and dance a lot-I miss it.

~My all time favorite song: You've Got What it Takes by Dave Clark Five.

~I am the only sibling without blue eyes. Mine are hazel and often look amber.

~My favorite color: violet.

~My mother's family is from Mexico.

~My great-great paternal grandfather married a Cherokee.

~I was born in California; my siblings were born in Tennessee.

~If you ask Little Big Boy where he was born, he replies, "I was born in the USA." He says it matter of factly. If he feels so inclined and you leave him alone after he anwers, he will start to sing the song.

~I am not graceful-I am a bull in a china closet.

~I am always barefoot.

~I love Disneyland.

Survey says...

25 Years Ago: August 1980- I was working in the most beautiful places on Earth. I not only worked outdoors, but I lived outdoors. I breathed fresh air in places that hadn't seen a car or any other vehicle. I hiked into worksites and showered behind waterfalls. I bathed in natural pools with biodegradable soap. I ate miner's lettuce and taught back country survival skills. I lived, worked and breathed in a place that was as close to Heaven as one person can be-literally and figuratively.

20 Years Ago: August 1985- I launched my second career-had to leave forestry behind because of back injury. Radio Personality was a great replacement for forestry...believe it or not.

10 Years Ago: August 1995- G asked me to marry him and it changed my life.

5 Years Ago: August 2000 - I was teaching Number One Daughter to walk.

Yesterday: I was inconsolable-my hormone replacement therapy isn't at full strength

Today: We cooked on a "new" electric stove from freecycle; we haven't been able to cook in our kitchen ever! We moved in last October and began renovations immediately.

Tomorrow: Is crunch time-I have 63 articles to write by the 13th.

5 snacks I enjoy: Watermelon; pretzels; tomatoes off of the vine; chocolate milk and popcorn

5 (only five? why only five???) bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: The Bodeans; Poi Dog Pondering; U2, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Journey; Styx; Loverboy; Foreigner; Supremes; Dion; The Grass Roots

3 bands that I have introduced on stage: The Grass Roots; Blood, Sweat and Tears; Little Eva-who loved 18 year old and gave him gifts while we were backstage in her trailer...she hugged him very tight;)

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: 1-Buy dream homes for my siblings, parents and self; 2-establish the Mike Bortz Memorial Scholarship fund for children of FBI agents who have been killed in the line of duty; 3-start an orphanage; 4-launch a children's foundation to stop hunger, abuse and neglect; 5-Launch a battered woman's shelter.

5 scorn-worthy habits I have: 1-yelling; 2-procrastination; 3-day dreaming; 4-slouching; 5-not believing that I am worthy of anything good or of value.

5 things I like doing: 1- being with, teaching and loving my children 2- writing; 3-radio personality; 4-relishing the view of mountains and the smell of salt water simultaneously; 5-live & work in National or State parks;

5 things I WISH I could wear: 1-a halter top! 2-ONE of Audrey Hepburn's ohsotight and stunning dresses; 3-short shorts; 4-swimsuit minus shorts or other cover up; 5-anything in a size that has only one digit.

5 TV shows I like: 1-Dawson's Creek-I can't let it go. 2-Nature documentaries; 3-Home remodeling educational shows; 4-Sex and the City; 5-Friends

5 movies I like: 1-Little Women w/June Allyson; 2-You've Got Mail; 3-Roman Holiday; 4-The Court Jester w/Danny Kaye; 5-Fried Green Tomatoes---TAWANDA!!!!!! LOL

5 famous people I'd like to meet: 1-Tom Hanks; 2-John Grisham; 3-Dr. Phil McGraw; 4-Erma Bombeck-She passed away ages ago, but she is largely my inspiration for writing; 5-Charles Dickens

5 biggest joys at the moment: 1-my husband and children; 2-mountains; 3-Pacific Ocean; 4-CHILDREN; 5-writing

Other tidbits about me:

~I hate it when people swear on their blog. I usually stop reading the post and navigate away. If it is the blogger's habit, I usually stop visiting that blog.

~G is my best friend...our friendship was four years strong when we first kissed. I have known him longer than any other person in my life-other than my siblings.

~I am empathetic to a fault--easily hurt, I not only feel other's pain, I make it my own.

~I was a happy person, easily amused, easy going and laughed a lot--then flashbacks invaded my days and nights. Then nothing in my life made sense anymore. I am trying to recover from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and find the happiness again...once and for all.

~I have no regrets when defending and protecting my children. I don't care whose feelings are hurt. No one messes with my children's psyches.

~There are/were people in my life that I will never forgive. God is charged with forgiving--I have relived events that are unforgivable. My pastor told me that I shouldn't stop trying to forgive...so far, I do not see the benefit. I forgave someone once...then a whole new set of flashbacks involving that person began. What is the point?

~G and I were featured in a Good Housekeeping article about women who date/marry younger men. (Sandra Bullock, Madonna, Courtney Cox and others were the primary article....but G and I were in there, too....I have always ended up with pups. I have dated older men, but I bagged me a young stud-ten years my junior. It was quite a scandal at the radio station where we met. I should blog it one of these days. :) I have a goofy smile on my face.

~When I was at the height of my career as a radio personality, I received proposals from fans who I had never met.

~A fan of my show "stalked" me. Once I didn't even know that he had shown up at one of my appearances. All of a sudden, there were five deputies around a tent where I was giving away prizes at a live remote. One deputy stepped into the tent with me and put his arm around my waist. He introduced himself and stayed aboutthisclose. Then the other four deputies walked away. The deputy who had been holding me looked at me and said that at that every moment the stalker was being told that he had just pissed off my husband-the one with his arm around me. I kissed the deputy on the cheek and I started to wear a wedding band.

~The stalker once coaxed my then seven year old son to open a locked door and let him in. He was arrested many times, but he was actually "nailed" when I recorded him threatening to come to my home or to the station and sexually assault me. I did not have to testify at the trial. My boss did.

~The first fan letter that I ever received was from a prison inmate who listened to my show while he was working on a road crew. He wanted me to "wait for him."

~One night, on our way home from a party---G and I were dating---I told him to pull over and we walked down to the river and were friendly under the stars. Years later, we drove near this spot and realized that you could see it from the highway. That's entertainment?

~I love to cook and my specialty is homemade flour tortillas and "pinch food" with lots of fresh cilantro.

~I hate lying.

~I love music.

~I have claustrophobia, PTSD and anxiety disorders. I also have a touch of OCD.

~I have held too many animals in my arms when they passed away.

~I am clairvoyant-not always, but enough to respect my inner voice.

~If you visit California State or National Parks, you will probably walk on a trail that I helped blaze.

~If you watch a PBS special on Salmon spawning and see a crew removing rocks from a Salmon ladder, you are watching my crew in action. I actually broke two fingers while working. I didn't say anything at the time because I did not want the film crew to pick up on that. What we were doing was too important to be side lined because of my injury. Stream clearance was one of my favorite projects. We dismantled many log jams so salmon could swim up stream to spawn.

~If you visit Muir Woods near San Francisco, you will see a redwood wall that my crew built to protect the river bank from erosion.

~If you visit Bodega Bay and are handicapped, you can travel in your wheelchair all the way to the ocean because my crew built the handicap access trail.

~If you visit Angel Island in San Francisco Bay, you will visit a historical island that was the "Ellis Island" of the West Coast-we restored most of the buildings and grounds.

~If you visit the Los Padres National Forest in Ventura and Los Angeles counties, you will be in the first national park that I ever worked in. This is where I fell in love with forestry.

~I once went out on a roof to keep someone from jumping off of it. I talked with him for three hours-he didn't jump. At the time, I was a 30-45 minute boat ride from the mainland and another half hour from the nearest hospital. We should have called flight for life-thought I am not certain that it existed at the time. I took him to an emergency room and he was hospitalized. He never tried to take his life again.

~I was not so lucky on two other occasions. One friend shot himself to death-forever 29 and the other killed herself in hospital on her first night alone in two months-forever 16.

~I was once pinned down by three grown men while they encouraged a mentally challenged co-worker to assault me. I fired all of them. One month later, I was asked to sit in on a meeting with the mentally challenged young man, my superior and the young man's parents. I should mention that the parents were both actors and very stunning. I sat there for three minutes, realized that this man's parents didn't love him and hired this man back in front of his parents. I told him that if he ever assaulted another woman, that I would kick his butt-personally and soundly. I looked his parents in the eye and told them that they should be ashamed of themselves for not caring that their 20-year-old son didn't have basic survival or social skills. I also told them that though they were "beautiful people," they were the lowest and ugliest form of life that I had ever met, especially for saying that his looks made it impossible for him to be successful in life. Their son went on to become one of the hardest working members of my crew. Ultimately, he was second only to me on my crew in terms of authority and know how. He never assaulted anyone again.

My favorite tree: Redwood. My crew stood finger tip to finger tip and we could not reach all the way around one-my crew was 15 members.

Favorite picnic spot: Inside a redwood. Fifteen adults sprawled this way and that and there was room for more:)

~I once got out of a vehicle in full uniform and ran two miles with new recruits because they were giving up and ready to quit--It was scorching hot. They were over-weight and at the end of the pack of 300 new recruits, I ran with them and encouraged them to keep going. I told them that the first time that I ran that very two mile stretch, it took me 42 minutes. Then I told them about my current time of 14:20. Thirty days later, those recruits ran two miles in under 30 minutes, which was the cut off time. After they left camp for their assignments, I was reading exit paperwork with my peers and supervisors-we were the trainers. On several of the exit documents, under the title "most memorable academy experience," were descriptions of me stopping the truck and running with them in my boots. I have tears in my eyes even now.

My favorite mountain: Grand Teton

My favorite ocean: Pacific

My second favorite country: Japan

My biggest fear: I will never find myself again--that PTSD has robbed me of peace and my sense of humor. That PTSD will define my life forever.

~I used to sing and dance a lot.

~My all time favorite song is You've Got What it Takes by Dave Clark Five. I dedicated it to my listeners on Fridays-it became my signature song.

~I am the only sibling without blue eyes. Mine are hazel and often look amber.

~My favorite color is violet.

~My mother's family is from Mexico.

~My great-great paternal grandfather married a Cherokee.

~I was born in California; my siblings were born in Tennessee.

~If you ask Little Big Boy where he was born, he replies, "I was born in the USA." He says it matter of factly. If he feels so inclined and you leave him alone after he anwers, he will start to sing the song.

~I am not graceful-I am a bull in a china closet.

~I am always barefoot.

~I love Disneyland.

By my side~forever

Close your eyes and whisper that you will be here forever.
Tell me that my fear of abandonment may be rooted in my soul,
But that you are not defined by my past or my fear of it.

Tell me that I am still your best friend.
...That I will always be your best friend.
We are not limited by roles, but I want to be more than a lover.
I want to know your soul inside and out forever.

When we ignore the white noise that is imposed by life itself,
We are invincible.
It is as if we are playing, Red Rover.
We interlock our wrists and no matter how hard life tries,
It cannot break our bond.

It isn't easy to keep the noise from attacking our relationship,
But it is easy to identify that "noise" is what is affecting us.
We can tune it out.
Ignore the noise by my side~forever.

We are forever because our love is not defined.
It evolves each day~sometimes fresh and new,
Sometimes dependable and safe,
Sometimes a bit bruised, but never broken.
We will always exist soul to soul.

So I says to Ro...

"Ro," I says, "I have a friend who is a Marine Biologist. He visited your bloggings in re: dolphins. He told me he thinks that a pod of dolphins actually recognizes you when you come out. that is why they are more and more active around your boat. Apparently, they have kind of welcomed you into their pod. How does it feel to be a member of the family? They are so intelligent that they recognize your boat-the sound of your boat’s engind…and maybe your children’s voices and laughter. Great stuff…makes me want to go back to school."

I'm proud to be an American

It began on September 11, 2001, when airplanes were hijacked. When lives were lost. Mommies died. Daddies died. Daughters and sons died. Jihad began and it was being fought against "soft targets." Against people not trained to fight in trenches against an enemy that acts with cowardice. They no nothing of honor.

It continues road side on beds of asphalt in 118 degree heat. Soldiers, Troops, Marines, National Guard called up to defend their country.


It continues in fox holes. And it is being done to protect me and my family. It is being done to help Iraqi people who suffered at the hand of a tyrannical leader. It is for them and their future, as much as it is for me and my children's future. It is for women who are treated worse than animals in a country where women do not have a voice much less a chance.



I know men who were killed while defending my freedom. I have attended funerals of honorable men doing a thankless job. I know wives and daughters and sons presented with an American flag as a symbol of gratitude from a nation grateful for their sacrifice.


My dad went to Vietnam and I am proud of him for doing it. He enlisted during the Korean War because it was the right thing to do and he went to Vietnam. He held his boys while they breathed their last breath. He was in a war where MIA-Missing in Action was common. Matt Maupin is the only MIA from the war with Iraq. He is the only one still missing.

President Bush cried when he talked about September 11, 2001 and the lives lost. I am a Republican. I voted for Bush-both of them. If you are in the military-you understand this. I will vote republican again.

I do not believe that he is the "anti-christ" that many portray him to be. I believe that he is a human being doing what he thinks is best for our country-right now. I believe that he has information that we do not have. I believe that he is at heart a very good man.

I am a Marine Corps brat. I pray that all Airmen, Soldiers, Troops, Marines, Sailors and Special Forces, wives, mothers, fathers, siblings, children, I pray that they will enjoy the same happy reunion depicted here. I pray that they come home. And if instead they are 'called home,' I pray that their family is comforted by the gratitude of a grateful nation.

http://www.pro-american.com/Music/Im%20proud%20to%20be%20an%20american.mp3

"And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A."

"Yes, I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A."

I support our troops yesterday, today and tomorrow.

First grade makeover

First grade begins in four weeks! First grade and K-3. Is it me, or did the summer jump to Mach Three when I wasn't looking? That is how it feels.

Number One Daughter wants a make over for first grade. She wants her long hair cut. Currently it is to her mid back. She wants it off of her shoulders. I don't blame her. It is too hot for long hair...Even if you put it up. She looks adorable in short hair. Well she looks so cute with long hair, too, but she is set on cutting her hair.

The night before last, she was picking out a dress to wear on picture day. I haven't even begun to shop for back to school clothes or supplies yet! But she is ahead of the ballgame. If I didn't know better, I would say that she is Virgo. She is ready to go back to school.

Last night was a milestone for her. She lost the first upper front tooth. Yes, the tooth fairy should be buzzing around here soon. I hope that she doesn't mind that I am working this morning. I work while my children sleep. It works well for the pocket book...No day care costs. Hallelujah.

She was so happy when her tooth finally fell out. She had been working it gingerly for several weeks. Of course, Little Big Boy would show us his "loose tooth" every time that Number One Daughter did, so the Tooth Fairy is going to pay him a visit, too. Being the 'baby' of the family has its perks.

I don't know if I am ready for her to start first grade. I do know that I am not ready for Little Big Boy to start three year old kindergarten, but that isn't what matters. The thing that does matter is that they are ready for it. They crave it. They are counting the days until it is time to begin. They are so hurry to rush out that door.

Meanwhile, 18 year old completed his make up class and is now an official Class of 2005 graduate. Seems like only yesterday that I was back to school shopping for his first grade debut. His life hit Mach Seven and no one told me a thing about it.

I want another baby. (Did that make you laugh? It will make G choke on his coffee when he reads it.) Babies slow everything down a notch. They grow fast, I know that, but they make everything take its own time. You move a bit more cautiously. Yeah, I want another baby...And that would be a trick, too. Last fall, I had emergency surgery and cannot have anymore children. Tonight, as I await the arrival of the Tooth Fairy, I am wishing that she could sprinkle a bit of that gold dust on us and make the moments last a little longer....Just a little longer so I can savor them a little more.

Tomorrow when the kids wake and run to see if the Tooth Fairy was here, I am going to drop everything that I am doing and watch them take it all in.

Peter Jennings

Peter Jennings died Sunday of complications of lung cancer. He was a throw back to a time when news reporters typed their reports on manual typewriters. As he was typing, he was puffing on a cigarette.

How do I know this? Because I was a journalism major. A news reporter. A television news personality. A newspaper editor. I know about his manual typewriter and cigarettes because there was a time when I sat at my typewriter doing the same thing. My fingers on the home row.

Jennings didn't use the home row, but he could peck out news copy on a manual typewriter faster than some typists who knew how to type by touch.

This is one of my favorite pictures of him. Oh, it is dated-his hair is still dark and there aren't as many lines on his face as there were in the days before his sudden announcement that he had lung cancer, but look at him. All confidence and sincerity. He was one of the most believable news anchors in the history of television. He looked into your soul as he reported what was happening around the world.

There is a picture in my mind of him in a pair of khaki shorts with a safari hat on and he is reporting from Vietnam. He reported from many hot spots around the world. After all, he was the number one foreign correspondent at ABC News when he was a pup. I remember this picture because my dad was in Vietnam. My dad never talks about Vietnam. Jennings did-nightly. Even the horrors that were brought over the air waves were welcomed...If only because he was there. On the front lines.

Of all of the moments that Jennings had on the air and all of the stories that he reported, there was one single moment when I became a Jennings fan. He was by then an anchor in New York. He had been for years. He was preparing to go on the air, when word came that a gunman was loose in the ABC Studios. This was especially upsetting to Jennings, I think because his young daughter was with him at the studios that very night, but you would never have know that.

Jennings, the consummate professional took it all in stride. He walked calmly to the news desk hand in hand with his little girl. He had already talked with her and she knew what to do. The ABC News studio crew watched in amazement as he put her between his legs underneath his desk after he took his seat. He sat in his chair and awaited his cue. All the while, his daughter was safely tucked between his legs. He reported the news that night, just as he had done every night before-calmly, coolly and collected. His daughter was safe and he knew this because he made sure that he knew right where she was while a gunman was free in the building. I imagine that he would squeeze her with his legs every so often to let her know that he loved her and that all would be well.

That night, Jennings became a hero. He never mentioned it on the air. Never once reported that a gunman had just entered the studios. Never once mentioned that he was protecting his daughter. Never once looked concerned. But in that 30 minute newscast, he became one of the true wonderful fathers. He was protecting his baby. The story came out as these things do, but it isn't because Jennings told it or reported it. There were too many witnesses to his calm and care. This was a moment that would be told and retold because of the sheer weight of it. Could you have kept your calm so well? His hand did not shake during the newscast. His voice did not quiver. He was perfectly professional even under these extreme circumstances.

There is one other thing that made me a Peter Jennings fan. A reporter's job is to objectively report an event. I am here to tell you that it is almost impossible to keep your opinions out of a story. You can argue the point, but I know that human beings are just not made to keep their opinions to themselves. Inevitably a bit of opinion will enter into a story. However, I think that Jennings did not put opinions into the story. He did report objectively. He kept his opinions to himself. Until that is, when the camera moved back in on him. After a disturbing story, the camera would return to him from the video feed and with one glance or pause, you knew exactly what he was thinking. You knew that he abhorred violence, crimes against children, terrorism, etc. You knew this just as surely as he had voiced his opinion. When he gave that look, especially after a news story about a child, I adored him. He said everything that I felt with one look.

I will miss that look. I know that it hasn't been on the air since April, but I will miss his look. The look that said, "This, my friends, is a bunch of bull. Completely unacceptable. This should not be." He did it by keeping his head to one side and only cutting his eyes back to the camera. He stared right into the lens and on to your soul. Yes, I will miss that look and I will also miss his closing: "For all of us here at ABC News, good night."

Trip to ER

Number One Daughter came to me Saturday morning and said, "Mommy, my face itches." Okay. Thank you for telling me. She told Daddy, too. She repeated the complaint until finally at 3:30 p.m., I looked at her face and it was covered with hives.

G ran to Walgreens and brought Benadryl home for her. Chew, chew, chew. One tablet. No effect and hives are spreading down her neck. Another pill to chew. The hives continue to itch and spread. Finally we take her to the ER. No relief from the liquid.

One look at her and they know that there is something happening. She lies on the ER bed. They search head to toe for hives. They are only on her face, neck and have moved around her face to her ears and back of the neck.

They prescribed prednisone and more Benadryl. Four of five days on meds. Of course we have no clue what happened. She didn't wash with anything new. Didn't eat anything new. Or wear anything new. Or sleep on anything new. Nothing. She knew something was wrong all day and we didn't listen to her until late afternoon. It makes me sick to my stomach.

She is fine and sleeping in our bed. I wanted her close in case she had breathing issues, which would signal a crisis. I wanted her near so that I could comfort her is she awoke itching again. I wanted to be near her to hug her because I feel guilty about ignoring her all day. I told her tonight, "Number One Daughter, if there is ever another time when you feel that I am not listening to you and you are uncomfortable, say, 'Mommy, you have to listen to me or take me to the doctor' and Number One Daughter, I will."

I woke her with my sobs of guilt. G tried to soothe me, but I was inconsolable. I am her mother and I ignored her. I can only say that it won't happen again; with the grace of God, I will not ignore her again.

When my kids have to go to the doctor, I have a rule: afterwards, they get something special. A book; crayons; small toy; bubbles. It doesn't matter. I have always done it. If they have to go to the doctor, they get something. I think that it began with 18 yr. Old because I wanted him to have something to keep him quiet so he could rest. Well, it continues to this day with Number One Daughter and with Little Big Boy. We didn't get anything last night because it was late when we left the ER, so we will pick it up today...Later today.

The sun is rising and I haven't been to sleep. I wanted to make sure that she was okay. Number One Daughter, Little Big Boy and G are all sleeping in my bed...And it is time for me to lie down too. It was an uneventful night. Thank you, Lord. It was quiet in our home. Little blessings to count instead of sheep.

There's something good on t.v.

Number One Daughter came into my bedroom this afternoon. I was working at the computer and she said, "There is something good on t.v." I asked her what it was and she made a gesture with her hand. She was making it go straight up and down and then she stated, "It's interesting."

I explained that I didn't understand what she was talking about. "What channel are you watching, Honey," I asked. I guessed that she would reply, Disney, Nick or PBS. Often these are the only channels in our home~well that isn't exactly true. Number One Daughter also loves to watch the Weather Channel. She is fascinated that there are people who can tell us what to wear:)

Well, like I said, I asked what channel she was watching. Her reply: Discovery Home Channel. "Oh really," said I, "what are they doing?" Then she got very excited and replied, "Painting a house!"

She left my room with a big smile on her face. Shortly thereafter, Little Big Boy came in and asked if he could have some paint. Then he asked if everyone could have some paint, even Bessie. Well Son, I explained, dogs cannot paint. He was very sad for her because "painting is fun!"

We are renovating our home, so they can watch G paint almost every weekend. Or hammer or tear down or do over...don't tell him that I said that last part :) Well it is neat that she is getting into the Discovery Home Channel. G and I watch it and wish that we had the money to do the projects. Heck, we wish that we had the money to get the renovations done.

But Number One Daughter finds everything interesting. She is very artistic and cannot wait until we paint her room. She is planning it out already. Her walls are primed. She wants one rainbow wall, a princess wall, horse wall and I cannot remember the other wall. She will have a lovely room.

I think that it will be good for her to help paint her room. I used to think, "NO way! What a mess that would be!" But it isn't like that at all. It doesn't have to be perfect to be a place of discovery. We don't need a 'showroom.' We need a place that spurs her imagination and creativity. Maybe if we work on their imagination now, they won't feel compelled to be perfectionists. Both G and I grew up to be pseudo perfectionists. Well, he IS a PERFECTIONIST. I try to be. It drives us crazy and creates undue stress.

So perfection is not the standard for our brood. We want them to lean toward Monet, Chagall, Cezanne or Picasso. There are enough people in the world who have to square corners. I want rounded and abstract corners~multicolored and themed. I want happiness and contentment. I want them to know that perfection is what we are born with~via God's hand. We don't have to strive to be perfect because he made us perfect in his eyes. That removes a lot of pressure. I asked her what color her walls would be. Yellow. Orange. Pink. Purple. The rainbow~the perfect promise from God. Now THAT is perfection.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...
Grown men cry.
The sound of the tears falling from their cheeks is deafening.
If powerful men listened to grown men cry, there would be no more war.

21 Marines

I'm sure that you know about the 21 Marines killed by IEDs in Iraq. All of them from the same unit in Ohio. My father is a retired Marine.

Life in the military is much like life in a small town. You know almost everyone. One loss is everyone's loss. The fact that 21 families from the same "small town" have suffered this loss is staggering to the imagination.

It isn't that their lives are more important than the over 1800 U.S. Troops who have fallen. It is that in the span of three days, 21 Marines from one small town are lost. Twenty-one flags are draped over 21 caskets that are heading for the same place. Twenty-one.

God's speed Marines & Troops. May God shine the light of His presence on you forever.

Here! Tranquility.
Sit in freshness and breathe free.
Sweetness and sunshine.

Something to write home about

Still no word on the job in the real world.

I don't think that it would bother me so much but the interviews went so well. During an interview, you get a feel for the way it is going. There is a point in every interview when you "know" whether or not it was successful. That interview was beyond successful~ it was filled with the best first impressions that I had left in a long time. I am trying not to take it back from God. I emailed the human resources generalist yesterday to assure her that I am still interested in the position and left it at that. Then I prayed. Then I left it alone.

Now that being said, something else has transpired that is making me wonder if He is talking.

I was contacted about ghost writing almost one dozen consumer education blogs. I accepted. Three of them are live on blogger now. I made the first posts last week. I have three more blogs to post to on blogger and the rest will begin in the coming weeks.

It is interesting. A bit of research. A bit of writing and viola. Done and on to the next blog. It is strange to be paid to blog. Actually, I guess I am one of the luckiest people in the world right now. Paid to blog. Now that is something to write home about.

Fleeing the coop

Why is it so hard for a teen to fly the coop? It is laden with anger and argument. It is fraught with tension and distrust. And to top it all off, it is just like when I was preparing to flee the coop. Therefore it is revenge. Someone, I'm betting my mother, cast an evil spell on me. You know how it goes, "When you grow up, I hope you have two children just like you!" Evil words.

Every Mother's Day, I telephone my mother and tell her that she got her wish. I tell her that I have three kids that are just like I was. Apparently it isn't enough because I still get the evil eye.

My 18 year old is ready to be on his own---in mind only. Yet, he is in the midst of pushing everyone aside w/out care or compassion. It doesn't help that his siblings are so much younger than he is. Six year old Number One Daughter whispered to me recently, "he is in a good mood. Is He nice now?" ROTFLOL Yes, he was for about 30 sounds.

Some days are better. Some days are worse. I just wish that the coop wasn't so hard to flee. I know that he needs his space, but there are requirements of being a family, not the least of which is respect. It is hard to get respect from an 18 year old when he is telling me how much he hates me. It is almost funny because it is such a childish statement, but it isn't funny for all of the reasons that you are thinking right now.

I want to help him make the transition, but I guess that is the whole issue in a sentence. He doesn't want help. He wants to spread his wings and take flight. He wants to soar to those ice castles in the sky. At the moment, I would prefer being a bird. Most mother birds simply desert the nest and leave their young to grasp that they are on their own. Then again, mother birds don't get to see the fruits of raising their brood...like their children's children. Here's hoping 18 year old is blessed with children who are just like him. And I mean that in a good way. (With only a hint of the evil eye for good measure;)

A little o' this

I am not a creature who handles sweltering heat well. This is well known in my home. I have a fan going almost year-round. The heat wave that griped the Midwest and East this week was enough to drive me crazy.

Number One Daughter touched my arm and said, "Mommy, you are too hot." Yes, I said, I am always too hot. She waited a beat and then said, "You are always too hot. You are a hottie." I have never been called that before and never will again, but it was music to my ears. So sweet and pure. :) Little Big Boy added, "You are a hottie mommy." it made my day.

The blue man

Little Big Boy said, "The blue man said I can have crayons." Our waiter brought us our drinks and Little Big Boy quizzed, "Are you the blue man?" The waiter smiled and laughed and replied, "Yes. Yes, I AM the blue man."

Little Big Boy kept talking with the Blue Man through out dinner and the thing is that the Blue Man enjoyed it. He liked talking with Little Big Boy. Over the course of dinner, I discovered that the Blue Man was going away to college in September. Truth be told, I do not recall what he was going to study, but I wished him well. He earned a tip that night...not because he provided excellent service, which he did, but because he took Little Big Boy's heart into consideration in everything that he did that night.

It didn't matter how many times Little Big Boy wanted to chat. It didn't matter what Little Big Boy wanted to tell him. The Blue Man was interested and sweet. The Blue Man had a smile for Little Big Boy every time that he passed our table. The Blue Man found reasons to hover near Little Big Boy. The Blue Man will be a good daddy.

Perhaps four weeks later, we were out celebrating Number One Daughter's birthday at a pizzeria and Little Big Boy got very upset when G tried to put him in a high chair. We are in that stage where a high chair is more a security than a necessity. Little Big Boy can sit at the table, but he likes to get up and visit with everyone in a place, so we tend to put him in high chair, just to contain some of his bottled enthusiasm for people.

Anyway, G was trying to place Little Big Boy in a high chair and our three year old protested-loudly, "No. I don't want to sit in the high chair. The black man said I can sit on this chair." We smiled at Little Big Boy and let him sit in the chair next to me. He sat there like a big boy. Curious about everyone and everything around us.

The pizzeria has a fire fighter motif. Hats, boots, tools and two child's' pedal pushed fire trucks are suspended from the ceiling. Little Big Boy was excited to see the fire trucks again. We had been seven months earlier to this pizzeria and he wanted to ride the fire truck very badly. He didn't understand then that he couldn't.

This time was different. He decided to ask the black man about it. Our waiter came to our table with our drinks. Little Big Boy looked up at him and said, "Are you the black man?" Our waiter looked at Little Big Boy and smiled, "Yea. I am." Little Big Boy smiled back and stated, "I wish I could ride the fire truck." Then the Black Man replied, "Me, too." Little Big Boy's eyes lit up. He discovered kinship. The Black Man wanted to ride the prized fire truck, too! The waiter left our table.

Then Little Big Boy turned to me and said, "I wish I could ride the fire truck." "I know," I replied, but you can't." Little Big Boy said, "No! I WISH." Silly Mommy.

Little Big Boy is growing up so quickly. He makes distinctions between something that he can or wants to do. That is a big leap. Before this, he only knew whether we would say yes or no to a request. Now he understands that there are things that you just can't do.

But there is a much greater realization at work with Little Big Boy. He is identifying people. He realizes that there are blue men and black men. He knows the difference and it is very important. He knows that there are differences in people. There are differences in men. And the thing that I like best about Little Big Boy's understanding of his world is that he judges people by color. He judges them by a whole rainbow of color. He judges people by the color of their shirts. If only the world could be so blessed.

Zach's Foundation

Zach is seven years old.
Zach is adorable.
Zach is a child.
Zach has a journal: http://journals.aol.com/poohbl/hurricanecharley/
Zach has his own FOUNDATION.
He is an angel on Earth.

Zach is one of those rare people who sees the wrong in the world and does something to make it right. He sees people in need and goes about helping them. He isn't paralyzed by the enormity of the job at hand. And that is a gift.

I think that I look at famine, homelessness, child abuse in all of its forms, disease and other maladies and don't know where to start. I can blog them. I can point to resources, but what do I do that is tangible? Not much.

Zach on the other hand has raised thousands of dollars to help people. He is working on an auction right now and is also gathering items to help homeless children. The list of items in each backpack is listed on his website. A link to his site is on the right gutter or my blog under "Zach's Foundation" or you can click on the title of this post and it will take you to his site. Be sure to sign his guest book! Tell him, "Renee, sent me:)"

The real world

I may be re-entering the real world. The work seven days per week world. I had an interview last Thursday. I must admit that I was petrified of leaving my home. I didn't want to go out "there." But I went and not only did I survive it, but I had two great interviews.

My first interview was with the human resources generalist. An assistant sat in on it so that she could begin conducting interviews. Then I met with the department head and the person who would be my immediate supervisor. All of them were very nice and I enjoyed chatting with them very much.

I walked in uncertain of the outcome that I wanted. I walked out with an air of excitement at the possibilities. I love to be busy and challenged. I enjoy learning new things and I have to be learning to keep my interest in something. I think this could work out. It has potential.

Perhaps the best thing about it is that in a way it involves taking care of people. Helping them feel better. That is something that I have longed to do. Just help people. Make a difference. Have a meaningful occupation.

I think this could be it. I think this could be worth heading back out "there" for. I think it could be good for us as a family. I am trying to let it go. To just think and pray on it and then let it go. I am one of those people who take bake my worries, "Here you go, God!" I shout, "Run out for a long one." But after He catches it, I run the distance and grab it back and make sure that we are playing with the same game ball.

Since I am potentially going back out 'there', I know that I am going to have to let go of the ball and see what happens. Today, I'm going to sit on my hands and wait for him to speak to me.

Just Another Bogeyman

Rainbow Lorikeet

Yellow. Orange. Green, blue and red.
A lovely sight with a promise on its head.
The reminder from Him that our souls are saved.
The path to Heaven's gates are already paved.

Beauty in our world abounds.
Just turn away from evil's hounds.
Launch a private war from your nest.
Defend it with all of your joy and zest.

Terrorist, you're just another bogeyman,
So jump in line and talk to the hand.

We're NOT afraid.

We are NOT afraid

Did you know that there is website called, "We are not afraid" dot com? There is. It is dedicated to pictures of people who are not afraid of terrorism. Not even in the face of 9/11, Madrid, London, Embassy bombings, the U.S.S. Cole bombing or any other act of true cowardice.

I must admit that I swore I would NEVER fly again after 9/11. Then 1 1/2 years ago, my brother had to have emergency brain surgery. I never even thought of 9/11. I boarded a plane w/G and we got there. That was all that mattered.

Since then, a lot of things have happened. I all of a sudden couldn't go outside. Couldn't leave the house. Couldn't face the awfulness anymore, but I have been working on it. I confessed my dread to my little sister and she has been helping me. She has coaxed me outside with little mind games that I can play with myself. She tells me why I should go outside, too.

Yesterday, it all began to make sense. The second bombing in London had taken place and she told me that she wished that she could go over there and get on the subway in defiance. I couldn't understand that. How could you face it. Well we discussed it and it began to soak in. She pointed out the website to me and said that it was inspirational.

I went to the site and began looking through the pictures. People were not afraid. And people were creative. Then slowly, mind you, it began to dawn on me...Terror is just that terror. "They" are trying to terrify us into staying home. "They" are trying to make us stay off of the airplanes. To make us stay off of subways, trains and buses. "They" are trying.

I was letting them succeed. I didn't even realize that I was helping the terrorists win. I didn't get it. I didn't get it until yesterday when my little sister and I chatted and then I began to explore the website.

Then I turned to the bible and found a wonderful passage: Matthew 10:28

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

All of a sudden the light went on in my brain. I have no need to fear terrorists. They cannot kill me-not really. They cannot condemn me. They cannot deny me my own loving God. I am saved. WOW.

Then it all made sense and this very morning, I told my little sister: "If I am going to die at the hands of terrorist's attempts to paralyze the world, then I am gonna go out leading the band!!!!" It's true and I mean it. "They" cannot win and I realized it while my younger sister was holding my hand. Thank you, W. Thank you for knowing what to say and do to help me see Him in all of this. "They" will not win because God is on our team. Amen.

The almost un-birthday

Poor Number One Daughter.
Poor, poor Number One Daughter.
She awoke and water tasted yucky.
Soon, she was vomiting.
Her tummy was so upset.
A cruel joke to play on an angel's birthday.

For several hours, she continued to feel lousey. She couldn't hold anything down. Not crackers. Not white, flat soda. Not water. NOTHING. It was sad to look at her. She said, "You're not supposed to be sick on your birthday!" That's so very true, Honey.

Around 12 noon, she began to feel better. She wanted to try a sundae. Yes, I know what you are thinking: what mother in her right mind would give a tummy ache complaining, vomiting up everything Number One Daughter a sundae? Ahem, HERE I AM. Over here!

She took a bite. Then another and it slid down her throat and into her tummy. Than all of a sudden, she smiled and said, "Mommy, it doesn't taste funny! My tummy feels better." She finished her sundae and we waited to be sure. No more illness. The phantom illness was gone...as quickly as it had arrived.

Then, she said, "Can we go have my birthday now?" Well, we did. NO pierced ears, though. I think after all of her discomfort in the morning that she figured that she need not add insult to injury. Actually it would be the other way around. The insult was being sick in the first place.

In stead of the ears, she got her hair cute. Yes, that is how I meant to spell it; for her haircut was far too cute.;) Bangs and a little frame around her face with long hair. Beautiful. New swimsuit. My little pony backpack for September. And a couple unmentionables and new socks, too. After she had opened her gifts, she made a message for me, it read, "I like my presents. Thank you. Love Number One Daughter." Sigh. Children + love=a wonderful life.

Happy, happy, happy birthday

Six years.
I can't believe it.
Six years old.
Amazing.

7.21.99
It is a hot sweltering day. And I mean hot. I am wayyyyyy pregnant. And the doctor's office calls to tell me that I can't have my scheduled c-section because there is an emergency. Okay, fine...but REALLY! What a jip!

The day went on and G decided that he may as well just go to work. I spent the day in the AC reading.

That night, precisely five minutes after G fell asleep, I rose to make a trip to the bathroom before I turned out my reading light. I climbed out of bed and realized that there were flashes of lightening. WOW. We were in for a HUGE storm. Just as I began to step away from the bed, a nice little gush took place. "Uh, G?" I said kind of timidly, "my water broke." He replied, "Shut up!"

I wasn't kidding and he began to make phone calls. I got in the shower real quick and then dressed and was ready to go. By then, the sky was falling almost literally. The wind was kicking things around like they were weightless. OH GREAT... a SEVERE THUNDERSTORM warning and a Tornado Watch. Hey, a little drama is good for the adventure factor.

We arrived at the hospital and I'm telling you, I shouldn't have bothered with the shower. I could have washed on the way to and from the car. I was soaked from head to toe. It was very comical and I mean that in the BEST sense. I didn't care about anything. I was ready to meet Number One Daughter.

Well the epidural wouldn't go in and just before the fifth try, the anesthesiologist said if he didn't get it this time, they were going to use a general. Well miraculously it worked. Enter G. There he was all decked out in surgical garb. He looked ready to deliver her by himself.

About 20 minutes later, Number One Daughter cried. It was wonderful. It was awesome. It was SIX years ago.

So Happy Birthday Number One Daughter. You are so sweet, I could pour you on my hot fudge sundae! I love you for the little lady that you are and for the lovely lady that you will be when you grow up. I love you for your sensitivity and laughter and caring ways. I love you for being so graceful and feminine. I love you for being my one and only Number One Daughter.

Cute aside:

She told me this afternoon that she is going to die if she doesn't get her ears pierced tomorrow. she said, "Does it feel like a shot? Will I cry." I said probably. Then she said she would wait until she is older...then after a moment or two she said, "I want my ears pierced. I'm going to be brave."

We called ahead and they are going to pierce both ears at the same time so that she won't have to have the pain twice. She is excited. She picked out her birthday outfit and is all ready for her day.

Lexi's Mom's journal

These are the entries of Karla Georgeff's journaling about Lexi's final attempt at quadruple organ transplant surgery. I thought that you would want to know:

June 29, 2005 at 09:23 AM CDT
We are slightly delayed here, there is a donor at CHP that is a match with Lexi. The doctor told us that is is not a perfect candidate for the intestine, because the donor was on blood pressure medication and size of donor is larger than they would like. Dr. Soltis told us that if it weren't for the donor being in this hospital, they wouldn't even look. Anyhow, we haven't heard anything yet. I am thinking that it probable won't pan out, because it has been too long again. We were suppose to hear a while ago. Will keep you posted.

June 29, 2005 at 02:22 PM CDT
Lexi just went into surgery. I don't know if they profused the new intestine, so nothing is definite yet. I do know that the liver looks great. I will keep you posted. If the intestine is good we won't hear anything for 2 hours. Karla

June 29, 2005 at 04:05 PM CDT
Karla was just told that they have made the incision in Lexi - so from what it sounds like the transplant is beginning and they are going to be able to use all of the organs for her. Please keep praying that everything goes as planned during this long operation and keep Lexi, Karla, Dale, Jeni, Michael and of course the surgeons and their assistants in your thoughts and prayers! Thanks :)

June 29, 2005 at 11:17 PM CDT
What was our happiest day has now turned into our saddest. The surgeons had to stop the transplant surgery - Lexi was not strong enough to make it through it. God has now chosen Lexi to be with Him and all of her angels. We are so very very sad,,,,,,Please pray for Lexi and Lexi's family for the strength to get through this sad time.

July 01, 2005 at 04:12 PM CDT
Thank you to all of you who have been calling and leaving messages for our family through the most difficult situation that we have ever had to face. We are overwhelmed by your love, support and prayers, and are so proud of Lexi-that she was an inspiration not only to us, but to an entire community and beyond, even for people who did not get a chance to ever meet her. Also, thank you to all that turned out last night for the vigil. The house looked so beautiful when we arrived home. Again, thank you all for everything. --The Georgeff Family

July 18, 2005 at 07:43 AM CDT
I don't know how we will ever be able to thank everyone for all their help, love, support and prayers. I am at a loss for words. I am so proud of Lexi and miss her so terribly! She really was a brave, brave angel. She suffered so much and still maintained her sweet, beautiful self. I do know that she is in a better place and free from pain and suffering. So many people have asked us what happened after we went to Pittsburgh, which is why I am posting this; it is just too painful to have to talk about it so often. Two days before she passed she was having a pretty good evening. Her ammonia levels were high but OK. She was joking around with Dale and I and even talked to a few people on the phone. We are so blessed for that day! The next morning the ammonia started to climb again and continued to get worse on the final day, all she was doing was sleeping. When we knew the surgery was a go, we woke her up to tell her that she would be finally getting her transplant. She told us that she was scared and we told her that everything was going to be OK. I sat with her in the holding area before she went into surgery. We talked and hugged and I must have kissed her a thousand times and told her as many times how much I loved her. Dale and I sat in the waiting room preparing for a long, long wait. Two hours after leaving her we received a call saying that the surgery was under way. At last, we were nervous but glad that her lifesaving surgery was on its way. Then 2 hours later we received a call from Dr. Mazariegos. He told us that Lexi was having a lot of bleeding and that she was having blood pressure problems. He told us that it was possible that Lexi might have an infection that they didn't know about. Our excitement was now turned to nervous and scared. After about another 2 hours we were called and asked to come to the surgery holding area. Now I was feeling terrified and shaky. I couldn't believe what was happening. I asked the nurse if Lexi was all right and she responded "she is holding her own." We waited in the holding area for Dr. Mazariegos it seemed like forever before he came out. He began to tell us that they had to stop the surgery, because her blood pressure was bottoming out and she was on a lot of blood pressure medication already. He said if they didn't stop that she would die on the table. OK I thought, she is going to be OK. Then he continued to tell us that she was going to be brought to the PICU and we could be with her. That is when I realized that she wasn't going to make it and then found out that she wouldn't even make it through the night. We were with her for about an hour before she passed. It all felt like a bad dream. As far as we know there may not have been an infection, she was just to sick and weak to make it through the lengthy surgery.

There had been so much hope and then as the day unfolded, obviously things began to go wrong. I don't think that anyone believed that the outcome would be anything but good. You can hear it in Karla's voice. You could see it on the faces of those who knew and loved her. Lexi left a void that won't be filled, but she also created a huge family of people to lift up her parents and siblings after she passed. Her legacy is that she was brave to the end. She lived her life like she was well, so well in fact that no one, not even her closest friends knew of her ailment until the crisis began in May. There is an angel looking down who earned her wings before she left this life. She gave many people the opportunity to earn theirs too. From the pilots who were on-call 24/7 for at least six months, to the online messages of support from strangers, Lexi touched the lives of people who she would never meet. She's up there running and jumping and eating anything that she likes now. Heaven must taste as good as if feels.

Adopt a soldier

A woman's son was deployed in Iraq and he told her about soldiers who did not receive mail. They didn't ever receive mail from anyone at any time. It stirred her mother's heart greatly. She decided to write letters to some of the soldiers. Soon the list of needy soldiers grew and Soldier's Angels was born. I recently registered and became a Soldier's Angel. It is a neat way to do something tangible to assist our troops and to let them know that they are not alone.

I have pasted information below that you can check out and decide whether or not you want to register. I would like to offer something up to you: You cannot discuss the location of your soldier. You must not tell people where your soldier is. There are accounts of terrorists surfing chatrooms of military families and trying to obtain information. Just be discreet and private about it and do not discuss your soldier or name your soldier online or in a chatroom and you will be fine.

There is another program, too. For a six dollar donation, a soldier will be given the opportunity to provide their child with a toy. You pay six dollars and the soldier sends a toy to his child with a card and the soldier also gets to choose the gift. It is a neat program and you can access that program at this link: http://www.prweb.com/releases/2004/2/prweb106818.htm

You don't have to adopt a soldier to take part. There are many programs on the Soldier's Angel website; for example, you can make a blanket that will be sent to a wounded soldier. It is a neat program. There is a story on the website where a soldier shows his blanket off. It is touching and heart warming. There is so much you can do to let soldiers know that you are here and that you care...about them.

I have said this before: I remember during the Vietnam war that I wondered why everyone hated my dad. It made me very sad. Now, you can do something that will effect the children as well as the soldier. Children need to see that they are not alone in their caring for their parent who is deployed. What a wonderful gift to give to a child.
Here is the story of Soldier's Angels and a link to the site can be reached by clicking on the title of this post. Thank you. God bless you and God bless America.

"If anybody is wondering: Where are the young idealists? Where are the people willing to devote themselves to causes larger than themselves? They are in uniform in Iraq, straddling the divide between insanity and order."
David Brooks

Please step forward and become a SOLDIERS ANGEL.

Adopt A Soldier , Write a letter, Make a Blanket of Hope or join one of our MANY teams NOW!
Our angels provide aide and comfort to ALL United States deployed & wounded military heroes. Angels who adopt a hero send a card or letter a week and at least two care packages a month. We have found that this support from home truly helps to " Bring Home Healthy Soldiers " Click on the title of this post to apply to be a Soldier's Angel or to discover how you can help in a number of different ways. If you are representing a company or group of people who wish to become involved with our program, please contact us: pcksoldieradoptns@sbcglobal.net.

100 mph breakfast

buzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. WHAM! He literally hit the alarm clock snooze button. Every day was hurry, hurry, hurry. He dozed for those glorious ten more minutes and then he had to get out of bed. It was another hot and humid morning. He sat on the edge of the bed and then turned to look at his wife. She was looking at him sleepily, but she needed to get up and going, too.

He looked at his wife and said, "I should have taken out the trash last night like you told me to."

He got up and went to their bathroom. He had to hurry this morning there was so much to do: shower, shave, dress, breakfast, take out the trash-it was supposed to be curbside no later than 6:30 a.m.; "Why didn't I take it out last night," he asked half aloud.

She was making breakfast. Their four-year old son was off and running already this morning. He was playing with his cars on the floor of the kitchen and asking Mommy what was for breakfast. "I don't know yet," she replied somewhat annoyed. There never was enough time to think around here she thought.

"But what's to eat," her son asked again? "I don't know, I said" was her irritated reply, "What do you want for breakfast?" He was excited to have the chance to pick, "HOT DOGS!" She just looked at him and rolled her eyes, "Hot dogs are not for breakfast."

He entered the kitchen freshly shaved and ready for breakfast. He asked his son why he had to play in the middle of the floor. He said it a bit too angrily and he knew it, but he didn't apologize. He had too much to do this morning and no time to deal with his little four year old son, who at this moment was simply in the way.

Neither his mommy nor his daddy noticed that his feelings were hurt by their curt answers to his questions and comments. They were too busy to notice. He looked lost. Or was it that he looked rejected?

For the millionth time that morning, he wished that he had taken out the trash last night. He was busy tying the bag from the kitchen trash can. He had just emptied all of the trash cans from the bedrooms, bathrooms, living room, den and that should be it. "Shoot," he said angrily. He still had to drag a few things out from the garage to add to the trash pile. It was 6:45 a.m. "At least the trash collector is running late this morning," he muttered to himself.

She finished making a pot of coffee and buttering toast. Then she set out boxes of cereal and some fruit. She called her little boy, but he didn't come to the table. She went to make sure that her husband had taken all of the trash out of the garage, too.

He had left the front door open while he took out the trash and she left it open for him to close when he came back inside for breakfast. As she went back to the kitchen, she thought, "He should have taken the trash out last night."

He came walking back inside and went to wash his hands. The trash truck was rumbling to a stop in front of their house. He finished washing up and went into the kitchen. "Where's Jacob?" he asked his wife. She didn't know, so she called him to the table again. "Do you want to take a thermos of coffee with you to work?" she asked him after she called their son to the table. "Sure," he said and then he began to eat some toast.

Meanwhile, the trash man is tossing all of their trash into his truck. There were lots of bags. A duffel bag and some odds and ends. He was accustomed to the variety of things that people tossed out. This was his last stop on the street, so after he tossed all of their trash into the truck, he walked to the side and turned on the compactor. Then chills went up his spine. From inside the truck, he heard faint yelling and crying. He turned the compactor off immediately. Inside the back of the truck was four year old Jacob.

The little four year old had slipped out of his home and hidden inside a duffel bag that was lying by the side of the curb. The trash man: Inis Ramadani, stood beside his truck that morning to run the compactor. Many trash collectors sit inside the truck and operate the compactor. If Ramadani had done so, he would never have heard the faint cries for help from Jacob.

God must have whispered in Ramadani's ear Monday, July 11th. Ramadani said that he knew immediately that the faint sound was a child. Ramadani is the father of five. He doesn't think that he is a hero. He was only doing his job. Miraculously, Jacob was not injured in the incident. I bet he had hot dogs for breakfast.

9:11 a.m. Wake Up Call

What follows is a newspaper clipping about the death of an airman in Iraq and then an exchange of letters to the editor. There is a little bit of narration, but not much. My eyes welled up with tears when I read the exchange. My little sister, whose husband is an airman, forwarded this story to me. It is basically the epitome of the adage: don't judge a book by its cover.

I was very moved by this exchange and believe you will be too.

8 June 2005
Albuquerque Tribune

Air Force Capt. Jeremy Fresques, a Farmington native and Farmington High School graduate, joined a growing list of New Mexicans who have died in the war on terrorism, when the surveillance plane in which he flew crashed last week 80 miles northeast of Baghdad. Three of his U.S. colleagues and an Iraqi airman also were killed. Fresques was awarded the Bronze Medal posthumously Friday.

Fresques was 26. He left behind a wife — also an Air Force captain — and his parents. His sacrifice — and theirs — in the name of our nation's security and the cause of democracy was immense.

Col. O.G. Mannon, commander of the 16th Special Operations Wing, rightly called Fresques and his comrades "heroes." We regard Fresques and all men and women with New Mexico connections as family and hold them deeply in our hearts.

Capt. Fresque was killed in the line of duty on Memorial Day 2005, a month before he was to return home, and news of his death was conveyed that day to Lt. Col. Scott Pleus, commander of the 63rd Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base in Glendale, Arizona, where Capt. Fresques had previously been stationed. Lt. Col. Pleus, along with a chaplain and a medical technician, drove that evening to Yuma, Arizona, to undertake the sad duty of notifying Capt. Fresque's parents of their loss. About a week later, Lt. Col. Pleus was notified that a memorial service would be held for Capt. Fresque in Sun City, Arizona, on 15 June and that a fly-by from Luke AFB had been requested as part of the service in Capt. Fresque's honor.

Lt. Col. Pleus quickly assented: "Of course we would do it. It's a four-ship formation. They fly straight and level over the gravesite and then, directly over the service, the No. 3 plane pulls away while the others fly straight ahead. Symbolically he's headed for heaven. It's the highest form of respect we can pay to a fallen airman. Everyone involved in such a service considers it an honor. The fliers. The honor guard. The bugler who plays taps. All of us.


While preparing to head from Glendale to Sun City (a distance of about 6 miles) for the memorial service, four F-16 fighter jets from Luke AFB flew a holding pattern over Glendale's Arrowhead Mall, prompting a local resident unaware of their purpose to send a sarcastic letter of complaint to the editor of The Arizona Republic:

A letter to the Editor
Question of the day for Luke Air Force Base: Whom do we thank for the morning air show? Last Wednesday, at precisely 9:11 a.m., a tight formation of four F-16 jets made a low pass over Arrowhead Mall, continuing west over Bell Road at approximately 500 feet. Imagine our good fortune! Do the Tom Cruise-wannabes feel we need this wake-up call, or were they trying to impress the cashiers at Mervyns' early-bird special?

Any response would be appreciated.
Tom MacRae, Peoria

The correspondent received a response from Col. Robin Rand, commander of Luke AFB's 56th Fighter Wing, in the pages of The Arizona Republic the following day:

"Luke Air Force Base was asked to respond to a letter writer's question about a "morning air show" he observed recently ("A wake-up call from Luke's jets," Letters, Thursday)"

"The "wake-up call" witnessed the morning of June 15 was a formation of F-16 jets from Luke Air Force Base lining up for a memorial service in Sun City at the gravesite for Air Force Capt. Jeremy Fresques, an officer assigned to Air Force Special Operations."

"Fresques gave his life in defense of our country while serving in Iraq. It is unfortunate that at a time when our nation is at war someone would believe we have less than honorable and professional reasons for such a mission."

"The commander of the fighter squadron was given the difficult duty of informing the family of Capt. Fresques on Memorial Day that the officer, a husband, son and Arizonan, had died in Iraq. On behalf of the men and women at Luke Air Force Base, we continue to keep Jeremy and his family in our thoughts and prayers."
-Col. Robin Rand
Luke Air Force Base

Four days later, newspaperaper also publisheresponseonse from Lt. Col. Pleus himself:

Regarding "A wake-up call from Luke's jets": On June 15, at precisely 9:12 a.m., a perfectly timed four-ship of F-16s from the 63rd Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base flew over the grave of Capt Jeremy Fresques. Capt. Fresques was an Air Force officer who was previously stationed at Luke Air Force Base and was killed in Iraq on May 30, Memorial Day.

At 9 a.m. on June 15, his family and friends gathered at Sunland Memorial Park in Sun City to mourn the loss of a husband, son and friend. Based on the letter writer's recount of the flyby, and because of the jet noise, I'm sure you didn't hear the 21-gun salute, the playing of taps, or my words to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques as I gave them their son's flag on behalf of the president of the United States and all those veterans and servicemen and women who understand the sacrifices they have endured.

A four-ship flyby is a display of respect the Air Force pays to those who give their lives in defense of freedom. We are professional aviators and take our jobs seriously, and on June 15 what the letter writer witnessed was four officers lining up to pay their ultimate respects.

The letter writer asks, "Whom do we thank for the morning air show?" The 56th Fighter Wing will call for you, and forward your thanks to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques, and thank them for you, for it was in their honor that my pilots flew the most honorable formation of their lives.

-Lt. Col. Scott Pleus
Luke Air Force Base

To his credit, the complainant, Mr. MacRae, tendered a written apology which was published in The Arizona Republic on 9 July:

Regarding "Flyby honoring fallen comrade" (Letters, June 28): I read with increasing embarrassment and humility the response to my unfortunate letter to The Republic concerning an Air Force flyby ("A wake-up call from Luke's jets," Letters, June 23). I had no idea of the significance of the flyby, and would never have insulted such a fine and respectful display had I known.

I have received many calls from the fine airmen who are serving or have served at Luke, and I have attempted to explain my side and apologized for any discomfort my letter has caused. This was simply an uninformed citizen complaining about noise.

I have been made aware in both written and verbal communications of the four-ship flyby, and my heart goes out to each and every lost serviceman and woman in this war in which we are engaged. I have been called un-American by an unknown caller and I feel that I must address that. I served in the U.S. Navy and am a Vietnam veteran. I love my country and respect the jobs that the service organizations are doing. Please accept my heartfelt apologies.

-Tom MacRae
Peoria

God's speed, Captain Jeremy Fresques. We've got your back. For your service and sacrifice for your country, we thank you, G, R, 18 year old, Number One Daughter & Little Big Boy

"Me, My Girl and another on the way!"

Go see the news!!! Check out the news!!!!! http://chocolatemakesitbetter.blogspot.com/

Nightmares

Number One Daughter came into our room overnight. She was bawling her eyes out. She told me that she had a very, very bad dream. I asked her if she remembered what happened. I was hugging her tight and she replied, "Little Big Boy died." I held her tighter and tried to soothe her broken heart. I told her the things that you say when a little one has a nightmare.

Throughout the day, the nightmare bothered her. She would shake her head from side to side to get rid of the thoughts. She explained the dream to me in great detail and it was very bad. I do not know why she would have such an awful nightmare.

I do know that I need to pay more attention to what she watches right before bedtime. The kids are very in to Power Rangers. I think that the kids do better when we all read books. Number One Daughter read a whole book to me on Friday. All by herself! She did it and I was in awe.


Then Little Big Boy said that it was his turn. He "read" it to us and it was as awesome. He looked at the pictures and told the story that he thought was being told. Each time it was time to turn the page he would say, "Then..." It was adorable.

It is easy now that summer vacation is here to break out of the routine, which is actually what they need more than ever. Routine is a cue of what is supposed to be happening and when. Books are a great part of the routine because they have to use their imagination, but it doesn't make their imagination runaway with them.

It is too convenient to let the routine fall apart when something is amiss, like illness or unexpected surgery or the like. It is easier in a moment of pain or something to shoo them off to the television. That is the sorry way of it. Sigh.

In all actuality, it would be just as easy to coax them into the bed with me and have them read books with me or to me. It would be so much better for all of us. I don't know why I get lazy at parenting.

I take my love of children very seriously and my intention to be a good parent very seriously, too. There are those times when I feel like pushing it to the back burner. I want to be better. I want to do better. Even when I am ailing, I want to be better at parenting. There is a saying that before you can fix a problem, you have to recognize it. Early Saturday morning, the problem slapped me in the face.

The tears that were falling were not mine. Number One Daughter and Little Big Boy deserve my undivided attention even when I am not feeling up to it. She had a tough time going to sleep tonight. We kept telling her to think about Christmas or horseback riding lessons or any number of wonderful things that she enjoys, but the nightmare kept invading her mind. The loop. I hope that she doesn't have the loop. I have to try to help her fight the development of the loop.


Tonight, the television was off before bedtime. Tonight, she was tucked in among her beloved dolls and stuffed animals. Tonight, I pray that she finds light and life in her dreams. Tonight, I hope that she changes the channel if nightmares come knocking. Tonight I pray that she will sleep in peace and comfort. Sweet dreams.