Have you ever hit rock bottom? Really hit it-hard. You know that you are as low as you can get and that is a good thing. Then, the bottom falls out again. There must be different levels of rock bottom. One step up and two steps back. I think that we are finally to the point where there are no more false bottoms and we are going to be making steady progress back up.I texted messaged w/P today. I wanted to know what outcome he was looking for. Did he expect or desire to come home after the session? What was he thinking?
I was surprised that he didn't want to come home. I really was. I figured that he would want to just come home after the therapy session, but I was wrong. He said he didn't want to come home. He just wanted a relationship with his family.
I was relieved. G and I had been discussing terms for P to have to agree to before he could come home. I was glad that he didn't want to come home. TALK ABOUT GUILT! I mean, I feel guilty for feeling relieved.
G and I are getting closer again. We don't have a constant battle over manipulation by P. And we don't have that feeling of dread that something is going to turn into an argument. The yelling is almost non-existent. There is a sense of calm-well not perfect calm and certainly not all fun and games, but since P has been "out there," we have gained some peace.
It is strange that I assumed that P would want to come home right away-that he had had enough of being "out there." He doesn't want the rules or the arguing or yelling either. Perhaps I didn't realize that while I wasn't looking my boy did become a man. He is intelligent enough to know that it is not a good situation if he isn't willing to live by house rules. That is a "grown up" revelation.
He has made his mistakes and I have made mine. We will continue to do so, but I will have to tell him tomorrow that I am proud of him for being honest. He could have said that he would live by house rules and followed them for a few days and then gone back down the same ol' path. Instead, he chose to stay "out there."
I know that his reasons for staying out there aren't necessarily mature and sensible, but they are honest. Right now, that is very manly to me, so I have to remember to tell him so tomorrow.
Thank YOU for reading and keeping me in your thoughts and/or prayers. We are going to be okay. I apologize for not visiting your blog and commenting, but I need to continue to repair my family. I know some who drop in need prayers and thoughts, too...I am thinking about you. Thank you for listening.
9 comments:
Words seem insufficient. That is a very touching post. You are right, you need to concentrate on our family. I will remember them and you in my prayers. Take care of yourself. Your blog friends are here waiting when you're ready.
Baby doll, take as much time as you need.
I really feel for you. It's like watching a rerun of some of the times I went through, a lot like them.
You know where to find me if you need an ear to bend. No judgements doll.
I made mistakes when I lived at home as well. When I left, I was honest with my mom and told her that I could not live at home anymore if she continued to abuse me. I had to leave a lot behind ..many things that ment a lot to me ( not just materialistic things) in order to move ahead. It was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever made. I hope that at that point, my mom saw me as an adult and no longer a child. A revelation, as you said.
Know that you are in my prayers, and will continue to be. Take all the time you need. There are no time limits on the healings with the matters of the heart.
Love you,
Sarah
{{{ Renee}} Prayers, positive thoughts , hugs ands strength.
lessons and life.
he is growing up into a man.
it's a long tough road but you will all make it in one piece :)
take care of your family and we'll all still be here. take all the time you need.
hugs,
Karen
And my friend, you are in my prayers too. Make the time to take the time.
Loving you,
Lighty
You are in many of our thoughts.
~Deb
Thoughts and prayers. Hope it all works out.
Things that break can be fixed.
You sound like you are good at fixing things.
Keep it up
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