Nightmares

Number One Daughter came into our room overnight. She was bawling her eyes out. She told me that she had a very, very bad dream. I asked her if she remembered what happened. I was hugging her tight and she replied, "Little Big Boy died." I held her tighter and tried to soothe her broken heart. I told her the things that you say when a little one has a nightmare.

Throughout the day, the nightmare bothered her. She would shake her head from side to side to get rid of the thoughts. She explained the dream to me in great detail and it was very bad. I do not know why she would have such an awful nightmare.

I do know that I need to pay more attention to what she watches right before bedtime. The kids are very in to Power Rangers. I think that the kids do better when we all read books. Number One Daughter read a whole book to me on Friday. All by herself! She did it and I was in awe.


Then Little Big Boy said that it was his turn. He "read" it to us and it was as awesome. He looked at the pictures and told the story that he thought was being told. Each time it was time to turn the page he would say, "Then..." It was adorable.

It is easy now that summer vacation is here to break out of the routine, which is actually what they need more than ever. Routine is a cue of what is supposed to be happening and when. Books are a great part of the routine because they have to use their imagination, but it doesn't make their imagination runaway with them.

It is too convenient to let the routine fall apart when something is amiss, like illness or unexpected surgery or the like. It is easier in a moment of pain or something to shoo them off to the television. That is the sorry way of it. Sigh.

In all actuality, it would be just as easy to coax them into the bed with me and have them read books with me or to me. It would be so much better for all of us. I don't know why I get lazy at parenting.

I take my love of children very seriously and my intention to be a good parent very seriously, too. There are those times when I feel like pushing it to the back burner. I want to be better. I want to do better. Even when I am ailing, I want to be better at parenting. There is a saying that before you can fix a problem, you have to recognize it. Early Saturday morning, the problem slapped me in the face.

The tears that were falling were not mine. Number One Daughter and Little Big Boy deserve my undivided attention even when I am not feeling up to it. She had a tough time going to sleep tonight. We kept telling her to think about Christmas or horseback riding lessons or any number of wonderful things that she enjoys, but the nightmare kept invading her mind. The loop. I hope that she doesn't have the loop. I have to try to help her fight the development of the loop.


Tonight, the television was off before bedtime. Tonight, she was tucked in among her beloved dolls and stuffed animals. Tonight, I pray that she finds light and life in her dreams. Tonight, I hope that she changes the channel if nightmares come knocking. Tonight I pray that she will sleep in peace and comfort. Sweet dreams.