I've lost my voice

I have not been able to find my voice. I can muddle through a post or invent a post, but in reality, I have lost my voice.

My thoughts won't gel. I am stunned, I think. I first learned of Lexi's plight six months ago. A group of women had made a Winnie the Pooh comforter to raffle off for some charity and instead of using it for the charity, they gave it to Lexi. They wrapped her up in a homemade hug.

I know that she is healthy and wants for nothing now. I know that she is better off. I know that she wasn't my child. Yet, in the back of my mind, I can hear her parents' sobbing. I can hear her siblings crying for her. I can hear these things and I cannot speak.

I do not think that it is about Lexi. It isn't about Shasta Groene, who was miraculously found alive in Idaho or the mystery in Aruba. It is not about children dying of cancer or at the hand of their parents or someone else. No it is not about them.

It is about me. I cannot for the life of me figure out how I am supposed to stop things like these from happening. I know that I want to help protect children. I know how much I love children. I do not know how to use my knowledge or abilities to help them.

So my voice is gone. My dad and my husband try to tell me that I cannot save the world. Well that may be true, but I cannot figure out how to do something meaningful in my little corner of it.

I used to earn my living with my voice. Right now, I feel like I have opened the mic and that my mouth is open, but there is nothing for me to say.