She part II

She can't remember why he is hitting this time. He is using great force. She retreats to the bedroom, but he follows close behind. She falls to the bed and is actually sitting on the edge. He lands another blow to her head and she falls back, stunned. He is talking to her, but she can't hear the words. There is a huge noise in her ears. She doesn't recognize it, but likens it to "white noise." Loud with no real purpose. It makes everything fuzzy, too. He sits next to her and shakes her shoulder. She doesn't move and closes her eyes. He cradles her head and call her name, but she keeps her eyes closed and allows her body to go limp. He thinks she is unconscious. He leaves the room with her lying there. She doesn't move and realizes that she can fain unconsciousness and he will leave her alone. This is a useful revelation.

~~~~~~~~

She is in the kitchen making a cup of tea. He is in the bedroom smoking pot. He is leaving and she is happy. Before he leaves, he lights charcoal in the grill. He will cook meat when he returns. He is going to a farewell bash at a bar. He is going to drink.

She is sipping tea and reading a book while the baby is sleeping in his room. She looks up and stares into his room for no particular reason. Then she realizes that smoke is rolling out of the vent near the baby's room. She drops her book and runs toward the baby's room. As she passes the kitchen, she looks toward the back door. Flames! The house is on fire.

She retraces her steps and calls 9-1-1. They ask her question upon question. She finally screams in fear, "I have to get the baby out of the house!" Yes, the operator tells her get out of the house!

It is December 18th and there is a dusting of snow on the ground and the sun has set. She bundles her three month old in two baby blankets. She rushes outside. A volunteer firefighter rushes past her as she moves away from the house. The flames are above the roof. She holds the baby close and she stands there staring at the fire.

A woman from next door comes out and invites her into her home. "Come get warm," she says soothingly. "No," she says, "I'm waiting here. Would you call the bar? Tell him the house is on fire." The woman comes back soon and wraps a heavy blanket around the baby's mommy. In her rush to get the baby out, she didn't grab a coat or shoes for herself. The neighbor brings a pair of wool slippers, too. She looks at her neighbor gratefully. "Funny," she says to herself, "I didn't even know I was cold, coatless and shoeless." It is called disassociation; it has been her lifeline since before her first childhood memories.

He arrives and says that she looks like a commercial for homeowners insurance and he laughs. The fire is out soon. The firemen are rolling hoses. "You are lucky," they say, "the fire started next to the furnace. The gas might have exploded."

The firemen are taking the huge fans out of the house. There is a lingering smell of smoke, but it isn't as heavy as she thought it would be. She has placed the baby back in his crib and she says a silent prayer of thanks. The baby is safe. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

She sits on the couch and stares into space. The firemen are worried, "Are you okay? Hey, are you okay?" Three firemen are staring at her and she realizes that they are talking to her. Others exit her bedroom with a strange look on their faces. One of them is talking to him. After they are done talking with him, he looks at her with scorn. She shivers.

The firemen leave and he begins yelling, "Why didn't you put the stuff away?" He left his pot on the bed in plain view. The firemen found it. It is her fault. He is hitting her again. She doesn't feel a thing. He is hitting her, punching her. He lands a kick on her leg. It bruises immediately. She keeps thinking, "The baby is safe. Thank, God, the baby is safe." She doesn't feel the punches. It is called disassociation. It is a good defense. She learned it before she could walk or talk. There have been many monsters in her life.