Lost post

Sigh. I had written this post at 2:30, but it is lost some where in the great void, which is disappointing. I was eloquent and thoughtful. I arrived at revelations. Isn't that the best reason to blog? Well, let me see if I can recall what I had written and I am open to other revelations and realizations.

The post was entitled "Milestones". Number One Daughter is graduating from Kindergarten in two weeks and Oldest should be walking across the senior high school stage to collect his diploma. Alas, summer school is in his future. I have discussed how he is floundering and failing in earlier posts. It is disappointing and sad. However, maybe it is like Lightfeather explained to me. She said that he is pushing me away so that he can get enough distance to leave the nest.

It is the way of it. I remember pushing my parents away. I had decisions to make and a life to live. I pushed and pushed. Sometimes, I look back with regret, but mostly, I think I look at it as spreading my wings.

So perhaps that is what my son is doing. He has gotten off course, but he is trying like crazy to be a man. I cannot fault him for that. And when I think about his actions as getting him off of his true path, into trouble in his classes, it is easier to look at it with perspective.

If he is off of his path, I can try to help him find the wind to refill the sails. I can point him that way over there and try to take a spectators seat instead of an officer at the helm. It is a difficult role to reliquish, but a necessary one.


He is going to have to learn to sail this ship. He is going to have to make his mistakes and live with the consequences of his decisions. I can hug him when he falls, but I can't pick him up anymore. It is time for me to stand back and let him get to his feet on his own. Like a man.