Will I lose my job? Me thinks it is in the wind. I just cannot complete my work in one business day. It's really sad because I do like the job itself.
Someone from my past, a sith, if you will discovered me and emailed me. I do not know how he found me, but suspect that he googled my father's name and found me that way. I changed a recent post and my blog address so that he couldn't find me again.
He is a relative. The son of a monster. The apple did not fall far from the tree. There really were monsters under my bed. I know that I am not alone in that, but the shock of his finding me made me feel little and vulnerable again.
I am safe. It is 2006 and I am safe and I am not a little girl.
I wonder if I will ever move to a place in my heart, mind and body when I can accept my past and live in the present. I don't have the answer. I know that I am not unique. I know that it is prevalent. Perhaps that is the greatest irony of all: maybe people get tired of hearing about childhood abuse of any kind.
Although there is a lot of baggage on my plate this weekend, I am not drowning in despair. I am looking forward to relaxing with my family this weekend. Monday will bring what Monday will bring.
Renior's Playground
- Playground In My Mind
- I love oceans and mountains. Most any body of water will do, but hills do not make up for mountains. My favorite range is the Grand Teton.
Suicide Prevention
Silence is a killer
4 comments:
That has to be such an eary feeling for you. I too have an abusive past and though I have forgiven many people for that abuse, it still is ever present. I have learned to accept the things that happened to me as very bad experiences and simple refuse to allow them control over my life. I have small moments that give me a flashback now and then, I won't deny that, but for the most part I take away the learning experience and have a keen sense for abuse and to look out for it. (if that makes any sense). I pray that you too will find the peace you search for from yours.
Thanks for stopping by and I've bookmarked your blog so now I'll be back from time to time.
Hope work goes better for you too.
{{{{{{ Renee}}}}} Hugs and easier times ahead. Thinking of you.
I married into a family with monsters under the bed. An awful one. It's amazing how one selfish and abusive person can hurt so many people.
I'm so glad we've managed to get rid of him as best we can.
Like Heidi said, hugs to you.
i'm glad you're doing what you need to do in order to feel safe. be well.
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